Monday, March 24, 2008

Past is to be forgotten...when will i realise this ?

Today is a gift...that is why it is called a present !

How many of us know this, and how many of us actually follow this ?

We crib for our past, and worry about our future .... and in the process at times spoil our present. Ok, this all is just a way that i am trying to console myself...

Why am i yet not over certain things in life ? Why do i want to care for people who don't bother for me. I remember in tenth standard, i had joined this personality development class and i had to give a speech about myself at the end of the course, and i began mine with saying.." I am a very level-headed person .. i live with this funda in life, of caring for someone only as much as they care for me..and in the process...i end up hurting and expecting less and may be more happy than others at the end ! "

Wow !! And this speech did give me an A grade for the entire course ! where is that level-headednesss gone i ask !? where !?

Its been 8 years since then, not too far ...may be too far... why have i become so emotional a person in the long run ?? why can't i forget ..and move on....

This new friend of mine...has hurt me for sure. He never bothered about my feelings now when i come to think about it. All these months, seem to be one of my foolish acts to me, of trying to be his friend and may be even considering him my close friend. Oh god, how could i be so wrong in judging people ?

How ?? and why ???

Why does i always run out of luck when it comes to good friends?

I don't want a bunch of them, i have a very few of them and am happy with my own sweet world..but i really thought that i could have added one more to the list. I not only did the mistake of thinking it this way, but also made the mistake of selecting the wrong guy !! I mean with what audacity he even asked me a few questions ?? What the heck does he even think of himself ?! I am not fucking bothered about him, but i do care for my feelings...and today am hurt ! The same person whom you thought was one of your good friend, turns out to be someone whom you almost hate, whom you no longer wish to communicate with, whom you no longer wish to see, whom you no longer think even as a friend, who is no more the same guy whom u considered a friend..who is way lot more selfish, way too mean, way big liar, those kinds people..who forget others when things change in their lives ! I mean with what brains did i even think that he might be a good guy !

I am not sad about the fact that i lost him...if he is the type of person whom i know now...than i am glad he is no more friend. But, why i commit these mistakes so often and end up hurting myself at the end. Didn't i decide long back that i am gonna care for people only as much as they care for me !?

Then where did that attitude disappear ?!

Where !? ???

I better find it back before i get more hurt by some other human species in this very life time, and i really dont wanna get hurt again..cos OUCH !! IT really freaking hurts !

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