The anticipation

Will the flight land on time?

Will I hear some violins?

Or there will be some last minute chaos for the luggage lost…

Should I wear a red shirt? Oh, but what if we turn out color co-ordinated?

Should I go with some flowers?

Or a cursory hug would do?

Should I first take her to the carousel?

Or ask her to make some plans?

Will there be too many awkward pauses?

Or will we triumph with tales over a drink or two?

Will the conversation never end and lead to a spark or two?

Let's blame it on the social media...

Have not blogged since ages. Nope, nope...not because I did not have something to write about or things to share...or suffered from a difficulty to bare...

It is just that I got hooked on social media.

The small thoughts. The one-line jokes. The serious inspiring stories or the wonderful pictures that were aiding to weave stories --- they all clubbed together in the web of social media.

Most thoughts are finding way to that medium and dear blog is left unattended.

Let me revive some thoughts...let me stir up some stories. Let's hope I write something on this over the weekend!

If coulds, would haves and the what ifs

Life is full of those.

There are so many things that do not get as planned. You are stuck counting what went wrong and then trying to come up with a recovery plan...

But after retrospect and later while, you cannot help but ignore the what ifs...the could haves and the would haves! What if, now that dream did come true...I would have been living in a fairy tale set amid snow-clad mountains? Oh, what if the world wasn't so mean, we all would have been blessed with so much happiness?

What if all I ever want to say remains a fumble and an expression here or there? It can lead to a disaster? An emotional catastrophe? But then I would have been an mime expert? Or I would have found someone who would have understood the language...?

Yes, the what ifs and the would haves...thank you, for making our lives so believable and yet not so.

Winning hearts...

How easy it is? Or rather difficult?

Let's weave a story with words...would that suffice?

Would ending with "happily ever after" create a sense of curiousity and excitedness enough to let them sigh and drool. And let us win their heart...?

Let's weave a story for a child of every age. Let's concentrate on the gravity of each word said, and then,  sentences and paragraphs so strongly put together, would lead to nothing, but, win their hearts!

Let's create a graphical journey...because a picture says a thousand words. Show the setting sun, the splashes of waves, and the chirping birds. Let's put them in the foreground and let them imagine for themselves - how wonderful it might be...and win their hearts?

And if everything else fails...let's just put them together. In a cubicle full of coffee aroma. Let them realize the depth of understanding. If silence, awkward glances, and muted conversations would dwell something within them, we would know we have won their hearts...

A friend narrates her story or journey to finding the perfect groom. And she would vote 5 stars for this :)

Pillow talk...

"So, what exactly did you remember from the first time that we met?"
"Well, let me see. It was probably the fact that you came on time."

You know those moments in life that you wished you had frozen at that point of time, or those that when occurs makes you realize that this is something I am going to remember forever. Or those when you blink or stare at the wonderful scenery ahead of you and wish that you could capture or re-live them as and when you want. Rare fleeting moments. Small kind talks.

There may be many things in life that matters. Some small, some big. But nothing can match the pleasure of the little joys of life.

Under construction...

When you realize, a tad too late, that your height is shorter than you imagined it to be...all the BMI data and weight scales goes topsy turvy. So, well, what do you do? You hit the gym, go 'under construction' and try to bring the balance on your favorable side, please. And may be thank the stars that you are short only on height scale and not the reach one.

Being Loved...

Is there a feeling comparable to this one?

Being loved...

Being admired...

Being happy because of being loved...

I had a wonderful day today.

I cracked the presentation at work - was showered with praises. None of them seemed fake cos it came from people I don't know. And chances are I won't be communicating with them further. Then, a girl from my team tells me - how come I have no airs for the knowledge that I have. I laughed (loud) at her face but realized may be it's the ease with which I interact with people or with which I make people around me feel easy that makes things good for me. Even if I have not spent a lot of time at my new office, I have developed the required warmth around me.

Then, I go to my old office. People hug and greet me so affectionately. A girl had tears in her eyes. I am in touch with many of my ex-colleagues. May be it's the fact that I am so easily available or cos I show a 'cool' attitude; there is that aura. You know - that exudes energy and happiness. And I am glad (touchwood) that I carry it.

Then, I meet an ex-ex-colleague while on my way home...and it was an amazing feeling. I was so happy to see her; she was the shy girl sitting at the corner of the office  - not everybody talked to her. But I did. Made a talkative girl out of her. And today, out of nowhere we meet, crack open the old stories, gossips and what not. We departed with a promise to meet again and she leaves saying that it's very rare that one meets genuine people like me.

Whatta Wednesday :)

Not often do I like to shower praises on self. Not often do I accept what I am or where I stand. But at times like these, when this "being loved" feeling is reeking out, you cannot help but smile. Look above the sky and tell the stars, yes somewhere along the line, you did do something right!

I might have been bothered by several roadblocks in life; be it personal, physical, or emotional. But I do like to believe that I have emerged out stronger out of it. I have not lost my ability or capacity to love, be loved, and to spread happiness. And at the end of the day, abled or disabled, that is what matters.

Traveling tales...

What are we in this world?
A mere traveler.

A traveler that travels. Never stops. Never exhausts. No destination is the final one. He yearns for more. He never settles at one place. He will relish the journey and even the temporary destination. But he will keep moving on. And wherever he will lay his head, it would be home.

Us, humans, just like this traveler roams around. Run for things. Increase the pace of our lives as per the situation demands. Come rain or shine we do not stop. We fight with nature, we build shelter against natural disasters, we kindle hope among the entire clan. We move on. We go on. Most times we do not have a destination in mind, and if we do, there is still no stopping us even if we reach the desired place. We are bound to continue moving! This fight for the finish that we are leading is nothing but a mere journey, a small sojourn on this planet in this life of ours. A journey that never ends. A destination that is seldom reached.

And then we realize, how stupid of us to not sit back and ponder over this. When did we lose ourselves so much in the pace and flight that we forgot to see the serene surroundings. The blue sky and the bluer sea. When was the last time we heard the bird chirping or made peace with the high waves of sea? Why did we not say the words that were meant to be said at the right time? When did we start caring so much for the society of the fellow traveler in the next tent base? When did we start fearing the future, when the truth is we do not even know what's gonna happen the next minute or day?

And then, there is this amount of time we spend on doing the minute things; the selection of the dress to wear or the food to eat; the button to press or the question to ask; the letter to write and the report to be made! A never ending charade. A spate of issues today, tomorrow, and forever.

Some laugh through all this; some cry. Some sail happily, some never try. Some spend so much time pondering that they never reached really anywhere. Some reached glorious destinations but had no tales to share. Some ignored the treacherous paths and took the simple-looking stairs. Some took the whites of the snowy mountains and some tanned under the Sun. A hand here or no legs there, all mere travelers with different stories to bare.

It is all nothing but the way you make the journey. Whether provided with a comfortable bed or not, whether you flew or took the tough road, it is all about how you kept your attitude throughout the journey. You may end up eating the juicy fruits on the way, you may even fight a bear or two, if you are lucky the sun or wind will not be harsh on you. But keep moving on. Do not hold grudges. Do not hold fear. Life is a never-ending journey - sail it with the best of the hope and faith that you have. And who knows, along the way, you might even find the right partner too!

A trip to the beautiful Kerala. Back with vengeance! 

Why fret?

...over the rising costs? Over the long list of to-do's? Over the escalating grocery rates? Or the cost one has to pay to buy a matchbox of a flat? Over the weight on the head and the pile on the office desk?

Stop. See the clear sky above. Smell the roses. Dance and cook. Live a fret-free life, as it was meant to be!

You and I

In this beautiful world

Green grass & blue sky!

Sometimes in life, this is all one wants! And needs!

Worth a thought...

At times a simple casual conversation leads to such deep meaningful thoughts n the works.

" all women are beautiful. It is only ugly to find the guy who finds you beautiful"

As A and I chatted over some chaat, several such life twisters were solved. Aah, the wonderful evenings...

Colorful!

Knock knock?


“Who’s that?”

Neither envious as green nor shy as pink. I am not angry as red or sad as blue. Am I at peace as much as white is with herself or am I trying to fight off the black devil on the back? Is the Sun shining less brighter than usual, or have I robbed some of its hue? Melancholy might have too hard with its dull grey, or am I orange since I am shining in the hay?

“Duh, Did you just play Holi!!”

How funny is the way it works.

When you are running behind things, and looking forward to grab them with both your hands, and probably make yourself believe that this is THE thing that I want...and then, 

if you do get what you want....you become ecstatic? 

if you do not, well then, you blame, the people, the destiny, the hormones, and the works.

And then, if some fine day, that thing comes and falls in your lap, outta nowhere, no emotion reeks out of you. 

Something of that sorts is happening to me. 

I want a cheer. I want a laugh. I want some glee. 

I get a better offer. The pay cheque gets fatter. The dream car gets nearer. 

And yet...no hurrah?! 

HUH!

Inked forever!

December 16, 2012.
Calangute, Goa.

This is the date. And the place. Yes, I got self inked! And it feels awesome.

Bucket list gets shorter. 

Basic instincts!

A saw a 'positive' pregnancy test today! On that kit. Two lines. One dark, one lightly coloured.
The mother to be was confused whether to call it a positive.
We 'googled' and realized, that this is A YES!!!
I jumped, squealed, and clapped like a baby...but the mother-to-be is holding on to her celebrations because she has been trying since a LONG TIME (oh she has been going through lot many biological procedures for getting pregnant) and would be disheartened to find this as a negative. She may visit the doctor tomorrow to ascertain the test results. But I strongly believe this is a yes, cos these use-once pregnancy kits are rarely wrong.
OH, what a joy!
I am so so happy for her, and the fact that she is gonna be a mother, something that will come oh so naturally to her. She has been wanting a baby since a long time, and hell yes, she deserves it.
You know there are some women who are born to be good mothers. Good care takers.
I really do not see self as one of these. Sigh, do I have any maternal instinct?? When I see my dollop of joy, my best friend's baby, all my emotions bundle up into love for her, and I know this is what it might be to be a mom.But then, I don't know.
Diaper changing, poop cleaning, waking in the middle of the night for their cranky behaviour, and then having dark circles, flabs of fat, falling hair are some of the other negatives.
However, a cute little 'maasi' from my bundle of joy makes me forget all my pain; may be this pull, maternal pull, is basically ingrained in a woman? It may be deeply hidden somewhere within, and when you have your own, you realize how it is...
Oh, I can only wonder...

Do you have these too?

Irrational fears.
I have tons of them. And now, after gaining wisdom from my experience on this planet, I have come to the conclusion that fears are nothing but born out of those ulta sulta ideas of your mind, and also from the way you perceive the world, and the most relevant one, your past experiences.

- I have a fear of falling. I dream about them. Day in and day out. Websites tell me that "falling is an indication of insecurities, instabilities, and anxieties. You are feeling overwhelmed and out of control in some situation in your waking life" Seriously?People who know me, and me too, would vouch for the fact that this is not possible! Insecure, unstable, and anxious...umm..that's not exactly me. Also, read this..."According to Freudian theory, dreams of falling indicate that you are contemplating giving in to a sexual urge or impulse. You are lacking indiscretion." Ahem!! Now now, that *might* be true, but hellow, the number of times I get these dreams, I wonder if that can be possibly true...

- I have a fear of wearing high heeled shoes. The world isn't flat, so shouldn't be my shoes! But alas, I have a fear of tipsy-turvying over those heels. Even platforms are a rare commodity on my shoe rack. I do not run and walk so slow while on platforms, that people with me invariably ask, are your shoes hurting? Oh well...what would they know? I do not like wearing complete flats either...so I am always, always, in the lookout for good shoes. Like if I find my size (Size: 4!!! Yes!! I have Asian feet), I do not think twice before buying them.

- I have a fear of having bad breath at the right time. Haha! Yes, I do have this fear. I wonder from where this stems from. But I know an incident, wherein a guy was rejected by a girl cos his mouth stinked to the core. Not of tobacco, or paan, or anything edible, but you know the general BAD dental stale!! This story had a lasting impression on my mind. So, I am always prepared. Like what if I have to speak something with my boss in low whispers, such that am like just an inch away from him, I do not want bad breath, right. You will always find gum and mouth fresheners in my purse. I use mouthwashes too often. I plan on visiting my dentist often,  but end up doing that irregularly since I hate seeing him and his reminders for getting my cavities filled up!!

-I have a fear of forgetting things while I leave my home. After closing the door behind me, I check all my pockets, my purse for house keys, lens case, mobile, mobile charger, wallet...for like 22 times! I know this sounds weird, but I am really not sure why do I do it. Other than a few incidents of forgetting my wallet at work, I do not remember being lousy about keeping important things at work, and yet, I have this fear? or OCD? What is it?

- I have a fear of meeting with a bad accident when I turn 65-70, and surviving it. Oh this is because my life line says so. You know it's like running pretty long, and then it breaks somewhere near the end, and still continues. I just wonder whether I will be the only one surviving the major plane crash (yes, I believe it will be my trip to Prague and I get stuck!), or will my family members be surviving too?

- I have a fear of losing my hearing somewhere around 60. Hmm...it's already like bad. I do not wear earphones. I have given up on my love of music. And doctors say it requires some hi-fi surgery. I do not want that right now. So, but I hope it doesn't worsen.

So I live with these. What are yours? Its okay, we all survive them and live through. It is just our weirdness that makes us awesome na. And at times hot too! :-)

What if all those words, in those romantic numbers singing pyaar, dil, and all of that mushy stuff, starts making sense One Fine Day?

Will I scream? Get scared? Nervous? Or smile? Blush? And sigh? And shrug shoulders? Nod my head? Go all pinky pink...

Sweet a lot :)

I generally cringe at people's grammatical errors in day-to-day conversation. I try to keep even the smallest of my sms'es perfect linguistically. I am scared deep deep down  that someday I will be with someone who would not be able to converse with me the way I wish to...and my poems and prose will not have an effect on him. Yes, I have weird fears.

But when I got this compliment, I could not help but blush. Kicking off my abnormal fears of grammar and the Queen's language, I smiled :) and said "Thank you"

He shyly said, "You are sweet a lot" Oh, well, *dreamy sigh*

And then there was June 2012...

What a day! What a day to end this hectic, chaotic, and yet sweet, if the optimist me, can say...
What all I did...

- Saw so many movies. Right from Vicky donor, Rowdy Rathore, Avengers, Shanghai, Madagascar 3, Prosthemeus .
- Read so many books. Goodreads says I read 5. Of all, I remember reading Scars by Cheryl Rainfield.
- Got completely drenched in the rains, twice. I never carry an umbrella on days when it is sunny when I leave my place. But Mumbai rains being what they are, always come at the unpredicatable hours.
- Once again visited the hospital. Prayed for the ailing parent. Cursed the supermighty, if there is one.
- Worked from home for the last week or so; love the office people for being co-operative during times of distress.
- Realized I am too weak to let go off certain things.
- Realized that I am too stubborn, and in matters of mind over heart, I listen to my heart, way too too much.
- Bought nothing worth writing down.
- Finalized the new Android phone that I am gonna buy next month, pakka.
- Tried two new chinese joints, a lebanese joint in and around Mumbai.
- Came across a few good blogs; plan on reading them regularly.
- Got an opportunity to write more.
- Contemplated a hair cut, for like twice a week. Damn, I cut my hair once every 3 months; I am not sure how good or bad it is!
- Coloured my hair - like streaks...nothing new in this one!
- Explained to co-travellers what Kindle is, and how I am reading a book in it! 5 times in a local train!
- Finalized and cancelled a trip to Goa/Bangkok/Ladakh. My life is too unpredictable to plan things in advance :-(
- Stumbled upon and read a few things I should not have read. Being ignorant was bliss. Now that I know, I cannot rest in peace.The knowledge keeps hovering around like an unwanted mosquitoe.
- People told me, for the umpteenth time, how I am too much of a worrier. Seriously? How about we keep the person you love the most in a hospital and then take away all other loved ones away from you? How would you feel? Worried?
- Got some nice positive cleaning done at home.
- Lived alone for a week or so, after almost 2 years!
- Lost a close relative. And realized how immune of sorts I have become to death.
- Donated some money. Tried, in vain, to find a few organisations helping specially abled child. And in the process of this search, me and a friend came across a few scams in the so-called prestigious NGOs. Tsk tsk.
- Successfully pushed back a few decisions for next month. :-)
- Just realized next month starts tomorrow; so might have to think hard, and probably take some tough decisions soon.
- Cried, a little.
- Laughed a bit
- Worried a LOT.
- Dreamt, a lot.

Rains. Work from home. Sheera. Pakora. Coffee. Phone. Internet.


Life is good :-)

Pray?

Dear Lord,
Times have changed. Recession is so here. There is a lean period everywhere. Monthly petrol costs more than car's EMI. Rupee is weakening day by day.
My favourite coffee has become super expensive from expensive. I cannot eat caramel popcorn and samosas and drink uncool stuff, along with watching movies all the time. I mean, I should not. The rate of cakes, pastries, pizzas and pav bhaji have horrendously increased everywhere. I cannot fly business economy class with these flying rates. Taxes on imported products have made me think twice before buying that imported watch or perfume. Clothes toh I now buy only Indian brand, which is expensive, but cheap when compared to that other foreign brands.
Oh, dear lord, I do not ask for much. Just shorten the time to appraisal please. This living expenses are getting too high man. Of course, I am also praying that you increase the pay a teeny weeny bit. Such that I can survive till the next price hike :-)

Lovingly yours
A common man