Saturday, December 20, 2008

Friday night was spent like a normal Friday night! Drinking, dancing and playing! The terrible snow storm left with some 8 inches of snow on the ground and gave us yet another chance to play in the snow. White pearl powder it looked, shining in that night light and it’s softness reminds me of touching mice :) , the white one !
I played guitar after such a long time, yet again. Half drowsy and full of humor I hardly played anything correctly :) I remember telling my friends, its C chord and playing something altogether different! Yeah, I was outta sense. But, sometimes, just sometimes, I like to lose control over self knowingly. Unknowingly, Life always takes a lead ! And so on the whole, I don’t like losing control over myself.
Getting up in the morning with a heavy head I was so happy to see the living room messed up. I mean, I have been living alone (my roomie, is never at home) and when you see that this house can have life, and had life... it makes me happy. It still smells of tobacco and burnt papers, but I like it. No, I don’t like the smell; I like the traces of fun it leaves. Just made me realize how easy it is to be happy. Or have fun. One phone call and some friends coming over, is all you need. Sometimes, Life isn’t all that bad when you know how to have fun. You can cry your heart out the whole day, week, month, but one good day – fun filled day, will make you a lot better. I swear! (And I STRONGLY believe that your life can change in one day, one god damn day. 24 hours is all it takes.) I will miss these days, someday when I turn 40. But miss them; with a smile on my face- sweet memories are always better than sighs.


“Manzil nayee hain, anjana hain karva…
Chalna akele hain yahan…”

Could Shaan have been more right?

Can I change my whole life, for one person? 'YES'/ 'NO' will change things so drastically. Everything, the way I see my future, my dreams, my pursuits, I would be giving up many things. Is this what Life is all about? Sacrifices? Such huge ones? I won’t be sacrificing, having fun or being happy part, I will sacrifice the dreams I saw for myself. Career wise. Will miss being in this country. My Dreams@ USA, are actually seeing the end of the day? Mom told don’t be emotional while taking certain decisions. If I don’t be emotional, then I have to bear the heart burn each day, of not being there, and not doing anything. I feel selfish. If I be emotional, I change my life. For one person. But then, dad deserves it.
Is it wrong to be happy personally? Put self ahead of other people whom you owe? Does this act makes us pathetic? Is it not ok to ask to do things you were set to do? Or you just challenge your destiny for a moment and then move on..? But who designs my destiny, my boundaries, my life ?

Show me some light.

And remember,
If anything can go wrong, it will.

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