Tuesday, June 2, 2009
These days, many a times, so often, I do feel like my life could use a little makeover. No,no, no..am not talking about the physical,biological makeover...but a mere attitude or personal thoughts makeover. Just going through the list of incomplete posts makes me realize, how much I am doing, that I do not wish to do, that I do not wish to publish and make it public. How much I am bombarding my dear blog with tits-bits of personal stress. After getting three serious bouts of giving up blogging, after fighting each day till 2-3 am at night, after having a tiff with dad each day, I realize ...something is terribly wrong. And since, the common factor among all these things being - yours truly, I definitely need A MAKEOVER!!!
I think I can do better! Well, I know each one of us feels this way, almost daily. But trust me, the kind of hyperactive and cribbing self that I have become, I wish to trap myself within myself for sometime and think, where - what - why !!!! At times, me thinks, I just do not need any sorta thought process now. Am done with analyzing my life, am done being a thinker, I just need to enjoy life more, but then ... the thinking hat doesnt leave me so easily, and alas, I think !
I can always go and read self-help books, attitude changing books...but, I personally hate them. How can anyone, just about anyone, read things that people went through, the circumstances being different for everybody personally, and be inspired to do something along the same line. I mean, hats off to the one who has written them, for coming out of those kind of situations, but then, for the reader , well dear, u better pull your socks and start running. Reading a book, aint gonna HELP!
So, what do I do?
Looking for ways to find inspiration, looking for ways to find a change, can't think of any/many as of now, but I know this -- a little change here and a little change there, would lead to a huge change in the number of fights I have each day with each person I come across. Starts with my sis, continues with the people who call me through the day, and ends with the usual drama with dad. I do not know, what's making me so uncomfortable - they are the people I have being with all this while, without one uff. And now, well, LOOK at me ... no, actually do not look at me !
My best friend is at the verge of giving up on me. My sister feels that I have a deep rooted negative attitude toward the world. And someone else feels, I need not think so much and just CALM down.
Well, all heard and done, when I sit and analyze (yes, yet again) I feel - I am being restless, I am being hyper, I am being angry, because ...
I feel unhappy.
I feel sad.
I feel possessed.
I feel obsessed.
I feel like a runner, who's not yet reached the last lap, yet the race got over!
I feel like a kid, who is still crying for the toy, which his mom has kept aisles above.
I feel like a better, who has lost millions since the number one horse, didn't win that very day!
I feel like that man in shades of grey, who always misses his bus!
I feel like the last student entering the class, who is scolded each day, and yet he doesn't improve.
I feel lost.
I feel mediocre.
Reasons, any reasons why I feel that?
I need to sit and analyze them now !!!
BUT I so definitely need a MAKEOVER !!