Thursday, February 11, 2010

Off late

* I have been busy, with work, with bonuses, with happiness, with lingering sadness, and trying to maintain what I have recently read in the "The Secret"
* I am not even posting posts in my mind. In other words, it would mean my mind is never that idle that I am thinking of incidents around me, I am not in any analytical mode. I am just being there. In the present.
* I am really scared of people with multiple-personality disorder (No, don't google, its not a known term) But I maintain, that they do accept the fact that they suffer from it. They just can't be "one" with everyone. They need definitions of "me" Its weird. I better stay away. But sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I could switch off things as easily as they do!
* The Tiger has roared once again in Mumbai. What seems to be a good movie, might attract some extra crowd due to the recent happenings in Mumbai. Its really ironic that at this very time, I am reading Maximum City! I read those lines, those things about riots, about political parties, and it seems to me as if the whole book was like written yesterday. Funny part is, many of the leaders mentioned in the book, have so changed their political parties by now ! Such is the state...the city, my mumbai!
* Many of my friends are getting married. No, nothing new. Its real fun when I catch up with my friends in USA after a long gap and get to know who's going around with whom and who's getting married, engaged and all the gupshups!! Some real weird beans are spilled about the bean town I knew! My best friend getting married, really really makes me feel old :( A tad too old at times! I wonder why...
* Marriages, bring people (read friends) either come closer or move them apart. My sibling's friend is getting married at around the same time as my best friends. I am suffering from the latter problem, my sis is cherishing a newly found proximity!
* Many a times I am trying to be happy. Trying not to read in between lines. Trying not to fuss over things, as small as a spilled cup of coffee on my shirt before a meeting. It takes a lot of effort to maintain that "dignity"! Trying to be a cheerful self after work. Amidst work. Amidst the social group you belong to. Amidst the elderly gents and aunts whom you see at the end of the week, just cos you have to see them. Amidst the plight of travelling in buses in Mumbai. Amidst the sweat and farty odours that the roads emit. Amidst a nosy boss and selfish colleagues. Amidst the things that you lack and things that you can/will never have. Amidst the vaccum that you feel within. Amidst missing 'mom' pangs! Ailing self, long bills, wrong relations, wrong attitudes, and the list would just go on...
And then suddenly, one day, one moment, one incident. The lid blows off. The pressure that was created within, was sadly well insulated. It was there. It hadn't evaporated.
And then I realize, how easy it is to just loose. Not to take control of anything in your life. Just flow with your anger and emotions. It doesn't take long to do it. You do not even have to try too hard. It just happens.
And yet, you love to tread on the difficult path. A path that would take efforts. In the end, you see yourself and the surrounding happy.
And betcha, there's nothing beating that!!

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