Notions

There is a fear within her that reaches a peak each time she is thinking about this; she is not sure whether it is the bare truth that is hurting her. The truth that plainly says this is all she can get. She cries herself to sleep at times, because she fears that this will be just another add on to her already 'average' life! She does not know what "extraordinary" or "larger than life" things she dreams for, but she hates the average. Being Average. Been with Average. And yet she gets the same. Always. Without fail. Is that what she deserves? All her life, till date, she always believed that she is settling for less that what she deserves. She have been moving on in spite of this feeling and fact existing in her life since the past 26 years. Destiny has always played a big role in her life. She has tried to choose or pave path in her journey, but destiny has always, always, taken over and made her realize that he is the boss. He will do it today too. He will make her realize, this is it. 'You cannot, do not, deserve something better.' And then, the usual, with a heavy heart, lots of tears, she will accept it. She will fight with the so-called God. Call him some names. Curse him for doing this to her. And move on. Rise with the new sun and believe that everything is all right. May be, she has got to live with this feeling of getting less than deserving. May be, she does not deserve more. May be, she has notions about herself. May be, she is that stupid average chick who thought fairy tales come true, friends do not betray you, mom does not ever leave you, and loving someone more than self is not difficult. How will she ever understand?