Thursday, June 13, 2013

There are things you do not remember.
There are things you do not want to remember.
Then, these drops and figments of memory percolate through your mind, and make a grand appearance.

It's not that I do not want to remember Mom.
It is just that I want to remember her in good ways. Like the perfectly normal dreams that I have - the four of us, and the happy family.
But then, memory has its own weird way.
It presents a picture to me during the most mundane of the stuff that I am doing. It hits me so hard that I have nothing but tears to brave.
The routine talks during lunch when each one of us is boasting/talking about how "my mom" makes this the best...and I realize I am the only one using a past tense "My mom used to make wonderful theplas"
Or those times when it dawns on me how the mom, any mom, is saving the larger share of food for the kids!
Routine talks with sister that end up on a bad note, and all I think of is, why is Mom not around to pacify the two of us!
Even those times when I hear or see people fighting with their Moms, I stand back and realize, I miss those too!

I may have fought with you a thousand times, and apologized tad lesser; but I never forget how sorry and deprived I feel for myself! How very!

At times I wonder whether I am still mourning? I cry like it was just yesterday...and then it hits me...the absence is going to be life time!