Friday, May 30, 2008

Random thoughts !!

Yeah common title !

Thought 1
I am sick of waiting for calls that never come ! I am sick of getting up each day with the same things to do - nothing ! Get up , open your laptop, apply to the damn pharma companies and keep on expecting to see some bright new email saying , we are really impressed by your resume and would like to set up an interview ! But tell you what, each day is the same ! No mails....only hopes from the so called RECRUITERS that hey we have forwarded your resume at so and so place...we will help you out ! Oh as if that was gonna act like a silver lining to the jet black cloud !
I know i am being desperate at the moment, but give me something else and i shall take it !

Thought 2
Why did i even think of not being a student anymore ???
Those were the days of school and college..... i was protected in a cocoon , i was safe ! I didnt have to worry about any changes that were happening in my mundane life ! Each year back in school...books changed, bags changed, classes, division everything changed...but still i never felt any kind of fear ! I was ok with those changes, cos i knew they weren't major ! I was still safe...
Now am not ! I am thrown in the big bad world of " I don't know what "
It seems like i am floating in those deep valleys where everyone is scared of falling and am just waiting when will i reach the bottom with a THUD !
But you know what, there is something within me that is keeping me on...its just a bad day today and a random wild thought that is making me think all these negative things !! I am still waiting for that "PARACHUTE" which will take me with it outta the valley !
I am waiting ............................

Thought 3
I really don't know why but there are so many DRAFTS saved in my post ! I start writing and then i lose it ! I lose the connection , the flow everything...everytime those long walks and long lonely times make me feel like writing so many things , i miss a pen and paper then, and when i start writing .. i somehow lose it !
Wonder what's stopping me !?
I am outta focus , hocus , pocus, cocus....any damn and every damn everything !

Thought 4
Mom sent these wonderful home made stuff for me with a friend :)
I am loving it ! Each bite just seems more sweeter than usual - she sent me Mango barfi ! Its soooo yumm...the first bite i made me soooo nostalgic ....I thought of the last summer that i spent back home with family and mangoes around !!! AAwwww....
You see as such i relish food and when it has that 'Mom touch' it merely enhances the taste, like i can't even describe.....every one feels that i assume..nothing can beat mom made food !
I wish there were cans in usa which said - MAde in INDIA by your mom :)

Thought 5
Well, during the long weekend , i went to New York ... i had my first share of experience of the Yellow cabs and even the New York sub way ! The yellow cab ride did cost me a fortune, there were signals after every 2 minutes and the driver was so cool, i always felt like he was just waiting for the amber light so that he could slow down and then the green light came like after eternity ! I always thought that since i am from MUMBAI ( India's NY), i would be ok with the new york traffic and people !
But you know what, i was wrong !
It did test my patience .. each time i crossed the road i had a fear of being thrown away by a running car or being pick-pocketed ! All this never happened in mumbai , may be cos, whatever it is - those were my people , you know ... my kinda people :)
It does help now i think to be at a place where there are people all around you - your types !
But then, yet again - when i say this i think of the INDIAN lane at NJ ! Oh boy !
It is a mini little india - or rather Gujrat ! Walking on that road i always bless myself for being at Boston ... and not at NJ or rather on that street on NJ !
Indians alllllllll over ! They eat , live , wear and drink India !
No racist comments , but c'mon ... don't be so much indian !
I mean, what's the point of living in USA - if you don't wanna change any damn thing ! You wanna use the same toothpaste , the same soap , the same clothes....same food stuff ... oh man c'mon gimme a break !
I personally feel, few changes are ok ...
But then as it is said ...
You can get people outta india but not india outta people !
This phrase was just running around in my mind :) so true !

PS : I might have to live in NJ some time of my life .. i don't even know that ! SO lemme for now , not comment or think too much about it ! :P

Thought 6
I have given myself a wonderful pet name - " LOVE GURU "
yeah , i know am sounding a bit too much ! But trust me, it really is one apt name !
I am the middle man ( or woman ) for so many friends of mine ... that at times , when they are talking i just lose track of everything and think to myself .. Pari how long are you actually gonna do all this ! ?
It's not am complaining , but guys come on .. i am human being, i need a break !
I mean, there is this couple A and B - each day, each night , you feel nothing can ever ever go wrong between them , but comes a week or so .. there they are ... fighting as if, nothing ever existed between them ! My friend A - is the go getter kinda guy , the impulsive guy ... who reacts more and thinks less..and the girl B, is the head strong ,sensible thinker , who thinks 1000 times before doing anything ! Clashes, sparks are bound to happen...but guys come on .. you like each other, at the end of the day , that's all that matters !
This friend C, came to me, talked abused ,to a certain extent even threw things, while talking about his girl friend D ! So D uses C - i think so too !
But now i have to be sweet and explain it to C so well, that he has to trust D , and give her another chance !! God damn ... i can be right wrong , but then i have to think about both C and D! I am a good person , and i have to have my heads and shoulders and everything at the right place and give any person in distress the right advice so that they can give or do the right thing and you act sensible at the worst of the hours !
Oh and my friend E, she is the one who falls in love every 6 months ! :)
Yeah, i have to remind her each and every time - he is not the one you are looking for, or is he actually ? Now so much so that she feels...i am never gonna support her in her endeavours !
Well...wat to say !
I dono ..
My sis calls me "Dadi" - i tink that's too apt for me .. i keep on advicing and bla bla bla....
yesterday , i decided not to shell out a single one of any kind ! and here was my friend F, calling me and asking me what to do about telling something to some girl X about something that might make her feel bad ! I was like ' Err.. i don't know ! I really don't know ! " She was like , what you would do had you been at my place !
There it goes...........
I had to say ' umm umm umm....i dono .. MAy be i would do this , that and this and that " !!!!!
Damn... there can be no such day you know !
And this friends, G H .. both are quite elder to me , but their relationship is the 'on' and 'off' kinds...and the G guy is my favorite ! But H has to be reminded about the goodness of G everytime they have some probs !
So G think i am more mature than H !
But how does that matter !
H is H ! She aint gonna improve ... i have tried being too blunt and telling the facts to G about H , but you know , at times i do fail...and i don't like when they don't be strong as i want them to be, cos i think that may be that helps them , but then may be i actually dont know the feeling !!
right ,yeah .. i really dont know how it is to be in love !?
Or for that matter when one has to think from the mind about someone whom their heart yearns... i dont know all that !
But trust me, i have been through all kinds of probs that couples might face :)
So kinda will be helpful rite :P
I don't know , cos when it comes to think sensible about myself .. i fail ! and how !
So the thing is ,
I feel happy to be able to help my friends , but sad about the times when i feel that oowww...not again ! I have been telling you this that and what not and bla bla blahhh !
Anwayz, it feels like being the Jane of 27 Dresses at times :)
It really does...............

Thought 7
I pray each day, asking god not to let me lose that patience and let me pass through this joblessness phase happily :)
Job is the most important thing in your life - till you get one !
Sis told me yesterday, since i have the endurance, god makes me pass through all this ...
Noble thought , enough to keep me going on.....

I am so glad i finished this post :)
Adios till the next one ..

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