into how many pieces ???
I just dont know as yet !! May be a million would suffice....
May 2nd was the day i graduated....the day when i thought, i m outta certain tensions in life...like of classes, grades, etc etc...
I was apprehensive and excited to enter this new world of money making ! So many dreams and promises lay ahead on the road...
Its been a month and more of applying, and guess what, i have no calls...no offer letters to flaunt..nothing to think about !#$**#@!
Parents back home are definitely tensed-when and how will the dreams that the daughter dreamt of will finally take shape ? When will she be independent - hope she is not sad/tensed about it !
Each fellow person u meet on the road - has the same questions, howz job hunt ?? Any luck ?? You look tensed ??? Don't worry - things will ok - you will get a job soon !!
Yeah, as if i asked them to ask these questions or any kind of solace..but none they provide...i am running and hiding 4m certain things...
and i dono which ones ?!
I am applying ---- if that would count as a misnomer--------i dono wat would account as true !
A week is all it is left for the damn OPT to start .... and i am jobless...
The same questions are asked daily to god --- the same tears are shown --- the same anger flashes when he just smiles the same--the same sighs and the same consolings......
I dono whom to trust and whom not to ... my guts and instincts have always been telling me , i will get through....but the long wait are making me wonder, i am failing and lying to self !
Am i actually breaking from within ????
I am doing too loud a thinking...being too verbose about the bad things in life... too non-appreciative for the good things that life is actually offering me right now....how am i gonna survive !!!
A small joke cracks me , a small fight kills me, a small comment explodes me....i dont want help !
Its my own tension and i am facing it ! I dont freaking care about who's thinking what, and whether who all got a job !
I am in a race with self - why can't once take over ?? Why cant i just win ??
Its just about getting a god damn job ! Why don't i just get it !
Till date - i had not lost trust in my abilities and smartness - god forbid , a day like that shouldnt even dawn !
I am waiting , i am hopeful , i am still having faith ... and if all this isnt true , let it not be , least it feels good -- i can still write all this !
Each day the crack occurs , one part of my soul, body kinda leaves me --- you can say a slow painstaking death, the kinda wound that each and every blow of knife one could feel....and then may die a painful death ...or survive through it and be the self again !!!
All i know is ...
I wanna come out as just me ! Nothing else , but me ........
And win this race in life ------ just once !
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