Monday, January 23, 2012

When the goin' gets tough...?

I have a thought. A thought that is whizzing around spherically, laterally, perpendicularly around my head since the past few weeks. There may have been a series of events that would have given birth to that very thought, the impression that this thought leaves behind is not very hooray-istic.
Remember when you read the last time how this and that event changed the whole being of that somebody, how this event made you sit back and ponder on things, you got certain things straight, you got all the wrong doings out, how you straightened the creases in your life on realizing that it is always crumbled around, and the likes. When was the last time you would have heard it? Yesterday, or higher chances are today.
I somehow have realised or have been thinking that this does not apply to me. I do not ever pull my socks, get focussed to do that certain thing, set a target for things-to-do, I am not a go-getter.
All these years and while I have been fooling myself (or may be right now, my thoughts are fooling me), that I am a go-getter. I get and achieve things that I wish or demand to have.
Materialistically yes, I do that. Financially, yes, I do that.
But I do not recollect that one moment that would have sent the whole principle book in my life, home.
That one moment wherein I would have cribbed in front of the mirror and set myself a target, and later on went ahead and achieved that.
I would have started a few diets, never reached till the end of it.
I let things go. I may be short tempered, but there is a certain laid back attitude to me.
Most of my managers have told me that I quit easily. Or rather, if I see a path that may look difficult or has not been untreaded, I let it be. I might be bloody good in walking and running on paths laid down for me, paths that assure me success, paths that seems bright and hopeful to me, but otherwise I let the other paths be.
Why do I do that? Why do I feel this?
I do like to the end of the day for projects I have started with enthusiasm, I have been known to have 1000 ideas of nothing, I do do think out of the box, but then this feeling of not working towards a particular something makes me feel a bit shallow within.
Like there is a way, there is a will somewhere, but somehow they do not work in sync.
Whenever I read about this nobody who became somebody in life, and how THAT ONE MOMENT made him/her realize what she wants to do, what he/she wishes to have, what he/she is looking forward to, I just feel empty.
I want that ONE MOMENT.
No rather, I would wish to act on that ONE moment.

Laid back, cool, lazy? What is it that is forbidding me?

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