Those silent conversations. And the following awkward glances. Spilling of drinks and food while getting too conscious. And breathing in the fresh scent of Hummer. Knowing that the head might rest, after all, tonight.

How do I pay, oh with what do I pay?

Sweet a lot :)

I generally cringe at people's grammatical errors in day-to-day conversation. I try to keep even the smallest of my sms'es perfect linguistically. I am scared deep deep down  that someday I will be with someone who would not be able to converse with me the way I wish to...and my poems and prose will not have an effect on him. Yes, I have weird fears.

But when I got this compliment, I could not help but blush. Kicking off my abnormal fears of grammar and the Queen's language, I smiled :) and said "Thank you"

He shyly said, "You are sweet a lot" Oh, well, *dreamy sigh*

Silly silly silly!

Seriously? Do guys (or some cases even girls) not understand the meaning of sending a wrong text! A wrong message. A few lines. Sent totally, totally, wrong. Sent probably at a point when it should not have been sent. And unfortunately there is no "Sending cancel" tab when it comes to SMSes. And then on being questioned you say something as silly as "I was kidding!"
Holy mother-what-are-you-talking god!
Seriously?
All the steps that were taken in the forward direction can just come to a halt, retrace their path, and you see yourself standing at the starting point, back to square one.
Hello and welcome to my life!

*Sigh*

I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, "Spence," and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me. 

---Melvin Udall, As good as it gets

She knows. Deep within. This is what she wants. This is what that will make her heart go waltz..on a simple street, no matter the weather, no matter if she is in her PJs, no nothing would matter. Even after hearing this...feeling this...she is being stalled by something. Will she know what? Why is her conscience not confronting her and asking her to move forward. Why is she taking her time? Will she hear this again...? Will it be the same? Devotion and nicety. Will it?

Oh, the questions! And the blank wall for answers. And a tumultuous applause is being played by the thoughts in the brain. Each tugging ahead of each other. Which thought will move forward and win the place to be at the tip of her tongue? Or will they never form words? Will the words give rise to a feeling? Or should she WAIT...

She spoke to herself after a long time. Amidst the chaos of work and people belonging to her social circles, she did not get much time. However, when she spoke it was just like yesterday. Contrastingly, she had changed a lot. The list that she thought was long, the demands that she knew she will make of, the ideas and beliefs she had had, were all gone. Not from her world, but from the long list of "wanna have."  She might would not have changed as a person, but the inner child within seems to have matured. The fairy tale and the fantasy world seem to have being a mirage.
She tries putting a strong face in front of the world, she tries not to sigh or pity for being different and yet so similar to the other species of the beings on this planet, and yet somewhere she regrets the difference. No matter how thin the line may be, it does exist. She did not ever complain to the almighty to keep her on the other side of the line, but today she might as well try.

The mighty might!

He might not be the tall dark handsome.
He might not be well read, based on your standards.
His conversations might not be that intellectually stimulating.
He might not be the brightest of the kids in school, not one of the top rankers like may be you were.
He might not have a huge herd of friends having similar interests as you.
He might not like dancing, singing, both of them together, or either of them too much.
He might not even be a bathroom singer.
He might not have any hobbies per se, or even excel in anything in particular.
He might would not have seen places or worse still, might not like travelling as much you.
He might not have taste buds that he would wish to tickle every now and then, like you.
He might not like long drives, or worse still, he might not know driving!
He might snore at night, or worse still can't sleep when you snore!
He might not have a GREAT sense of humour, or may be forgets to laugh at yours.


But may be, you will still like him. You will still find solace when in his company. May be, you will be happy with things. May be, you will find the incompleteness complete. May be, you did not really actually expect so much. May be, you realize, he is the metaphor called life, as real as it gets.

He might not know horse riding, but one day you will still see your knight in shining armour coming sitting over one. And that day, all the mighty mights would lose all the weight.

And then he ignored her.
Just like that.
The months wait had finally turned into a meet. Ok, may be not wait. But months of correspondence. After which, it happened.
Was she dreaming things when her inbox was flooded with mails. Calls coming everyday.
Or was she having a nightmare when they all vanished. Just like that.
The threshold that was never reached. Or was the bar too low?
AT times, she feels like wringing the neck and shake the entire being, asking "what the" "why the" "who the"
But then, she just lets go. Or may be, all she can do is let go. She will like to think its the former.

No, am not full with hues..
Its just that..

You cant blot my blues!

Occupied!

Things that are keeping me one:

- I came back from a refreshing trip to Gujrat/Rajasthan last week.
- Highlight of the trip was definitely the visit to "Diu". Beaches out there were awesome, so neat. So clean. Will post the pics once I upload them. Secondly, it was a good unknowingly family gettogether. None of us knew we would be landing at the same place, at the same time. And there we were. Being with your uncles, aunts and cousins is always so much fun. You can connect to them, by things much more than the blood. I once again realized how great a family I have. Which stands by me, in good as well as bad times :) And being the youngest girl in the family, definitely has its advantage :)

- I am so proud to say that I have finally started using my Wii Fit :) Yes, I have been doing it since I have come back and as of now, I have lost some countable pounds :) My target is little too far as of now, but the fact that I am on my way is exciting. The lazy being that I am, never would have joined a gym and then would have regretted each day of joining it and not going later. Thank you Wii Fit !! My own gym at home :)

- I am the usual busy at work. Learning tips from sis about "How to survive at a demanding work place" are coming handy, daily.

- I wore pink nail polish this weekend :) Never done before!

- I intend to go for a hair cut, soon!

- I love travelling with the umpteen number of thoughts in my mind. Some sense of peace prevails within, and I often catch myself smiling for no good reason.

- Yesterday, I cried for no reason!!! Call me crazy, call me weird, but the whole incident was nasty. While returning from work, I took an auto and bang...I started. I cried and cried. Called "S". But nothing worked. Called V, did not pick up. I did not know how to stop! I did not know what evoked that outburst? Monotonous, this life is getting? I guess.... But luckily I was all fine by the time I reached home and had some wonderful dinner that dad had got. :) Food never fails ;)

- I love to see the smile on kids face when I give them food.

- I like kids, but off late I have observed that not as much as I used to. Hmm....

- I am looking forward to make a shopping list. Nah, not to shop but to tell what all to get for me :) heehawww ! !

- I do not like being timid and tiny at times. At times, those times, are quite often :X

- It rained in Mumbai. In November. All I could sing was cold november rain. The way those drops of water make a hazy picture on my window. How I miss holding hands and walking on the beach with that someone! Sigh, I love rains!

Signed. Sealed. Delivered.

He says ... write ... write more.

Write, however, is I do not know what to.
Write about the daily chores, the day-to-day life, the mundane routine which always are spiced up with the expressions and emotions of a human mind. Life as it is. Simple. Lived with pompous joy and galore fun. Or the deviations which come in the form of touchy nature. Rude behaviours. A tear or two, for things done and things happening.

Convert prose to poetry. Express the world as a thesis or an anti-thesis. Kill someone with an overdose of alliterative allegations. Or have the pleasure of someone appreciating alliterations. Wake the poet within. Or do I sigh the non-writer way? Words may cause harm, thoughts are benign. Keep those thoughts within the mind. Let the whole-self be subdued by the hues of your personality.

Or do I stitch the picture of the fragments of imagination. The patches found in my dream. Weave them together. Create a bond. Create a wave. A wave which, might as well, catch your fantasy. Catch you unaware. About the dreams that the eye see. When they are closed. Or in mere daylight. You realize that how much I hate being in the present situation, or how much I appreciate being here , standing here, doing this ...right here, right now. Or the dreams that take me miles away, sometimes real, sometimes fantasy! Dreams that, however, do make living worthwhile. You realize, there's still hope. There's still a long way to go. You realize that there are things , for which you gotta strive, as yet. And you always should. That is why you each day is lived with a fresh breath of air. You have those spring in your step.

How you live each day, all within yourself at times. And at others you know that there will be someone who will renew your springs that will never dry up. you live with that hope.

At times, reality would strike you. HARD!

And you will realize, all that you dreamt, all that you hoped for...were all part of a mere fictional world. A fictional world , which sadly, doesnt turn true for each soul out here.

You realize, you will fall short. Due to various reasons. Citing one, will never be sufficient.

For me, its this. For you, it would be that. The present day would give us a 1000 reasons. And then, might be, you will come to accept life as it is. You will take what it gives you. You will be lead by destiny. You do not know, whether you want it or not. It does not matter, at some stage, so as to what you want.

But till then.

You dream on.
And you live happily.
Ever after ??? You just do not know.

As they say, life is what you make outta it.
Sometimes, its not just that you know.

You will know.

Sooner or later.
It just gets a tad too late, whenver you do!!!

Write, i did.
Expressions swelled.
Feelings melts.
*sigh*
There is not a ray of hope, that the world shows.
Reality is what you see, at the end of the road.
Random clues, random hopes, random memories, random people...sometime they are nothing, but loads...

You lack them....

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words

He..

He jumped...
He hurrayed....
He hi-fived....
He danced.....


Over this ...

I simply awed !!!
I wonder why I never figured it ....

Wish I could write like him...

My inbox has a mail...

It reads this way....

And I so like it, the way he expresses himself....

Glad I can read!


Strikes you hard,
Strikes you within,
You fall every moment,
You never knew when it crept in.

The reason to smile,
The joyous tear,
You know this time you will let it go,
Without a fear.

It is magical,
It keeps streaming in,
Sea of love,
Deep plunge within.

The mind keeps tracing,
You feel the presence,
Close your eyes,
Every thought makes sense.

Hold on, hold on,
What has happened to me?
You never had the choice,
This was meant to be.

Something to hold on,
Something to stay put,
Life has a reason,
Never let it go off the hook.

Every morning, you bet,
The flashes comes by,
You grab your pillow, slip the good night kiss,
For the only reason you know why.

You search the smile,
The glint in the eye,
Every breath she takes,
You wish to be by her side.

What are rules my friend?
It ain't the money, it ain't the looks,
It gotta transcend all emotions,
Not found in any of the books.

Easy!

My experiences, teaching me...
its easy to reach the top but to stay right up there
its easy to take decisions but to abide by them
its easy to get close but to stay put
its easy to feel but hard to express
its easy to read but hard to interpret
its easy to want things, wish things, but to initiate one
its easy to ask questions, point fingers but to answer one
its easy to go with the flow but not against the tide

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feelings so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There is so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore


--MLTR