Ask and you shall get...

It's funny the way life works. Or the way I think it does.
I have sort of believed that there comes your time, like a very moment, when the universe asks you, silently indeed, what you want - and then hears your request, and grants you your wish.
So considering this, my wisdom tells me to always have my deepest desire ready at the tip of my tongue. Like I do not know when will my turn come right? The odds of me saying the right thing at the right time are very very minuscule, but still I try my luck. Like I do not do this all the time, consistently, but whenever the idea hits upon me, oh it could be my turn, I start saying what I want real badly right now.
This idea somehow conjured when I saw it in a movie or something. When god asks someone what he wants, and the poor guy, in the rush of catching a train just prays that he doesn't miss his train. Of course, he was unaware that god is asking, and he is totally unaware that god would have fulfilled his demand of even being an millionaire at that very moment.
A very creative chain of thought I say, but yes, it works that way. Somewhere I believe that. You know that very one idea that you work on day and night, and then it sees the light of the day. It is something like that.
So, well, what do I want right now?
I want my sibling to come out of some social troubles, real bad! She has been suffering, not exactly suffering, but it is not too much of happy gay days either. So what do I do? I pray for the person who is in bad health situation, and ask for his happy and quick recovery. All the time. That is one thing I want to change, like real bad.
And then, I am living a story. A true good to be true one. I cannot believe am saying this all. But yes, there are times when I have succumbed to the way things work for me, and known that 'too good' things do not work for me. And yet somehow. So, I am facing this 'too good to be true' things day in and day out. I am thinking about it, all day long. There is a foolish me that says oh it does happen, and the mature me says, when will I get wise? I so want this to be true. And I so yearn for this to be my moment, an epiphany of sorts, wherein I realize that no, life does not run by some strict rules and shows you a sunny day amidst the rainy season. Will this come true? Yes, I do think about it day in and day out. And the eternal hope within me, does want it to be true.
MY confusion is, what I want more badly? Which thought do I keep in my mind at that you know, universe asking me hour. Indeed, being a human I have several other demands and wishes, like for dad' s health, my salary, my this my that, etc. etc., but that very thing that I wanna happen, like now, what should that be?
Even documenting it here, has not helped my thought process much. In the vain to add some clarity to my thoughts, I jot this down, and I remain clueless. Oh wait, what if my moment just passed me by? What it must have heard I wonder... 

Emptiness...

As the sibling goes back to the US of A, home has suddenly become so empty. How much of space and worth the feather weight, short female can occupy - I am only imagining! Her short/long visit ( 40 days - too much for some, but too little are the days no matter how many they are) collided with several events occurring in the extended family, her personal life, my personal life, dad's health, etc. etc....I blinked and she was gone.
Though we did manage to have our share of fights, leg pulling, shopping, eating, bitching, and cribbing, it just doesn't seem enough. Times when she was away at someone's place or was on phone for hours altogether, I just wished that to end soon, such that no minute goes by while we have her here. How funny these thoughts are? You know she is gonna go, you know times have changed, you know it will be months or years till you next see her, and yet you live with her just like any normal average day. And when she goes away, suddenly it dawns on you that oh, she is not gonna be here forever. Oh, so much of sisterly love is reeking outta me. If only she can know all this, but nah, me never tells her all this and that. We do not hug. We do not say "I love you" We do not say "Thanks for being here." We do not indulge in any kind of emotion or action that says what we feel. The thick bloody bond is invisible and yet strongly visible. All I vouch for is, since god couldn't keep mothers forever, he made sisters! :-)

Do you read?

At this phase of my life, while talking to strangers or some people whom I might have to befriend, it is not that difficult to pick up conversations. I mean, come on, having travelled so much, having met with people you would like to believe do not even belong to this world, keeping in touch with some snobbish friends because they were good to you once upon a time, and people with different cultures and traditions, you gotta talk to everybody at length. I for one, would get bored to be with somebody, by any stroke of luck that may be, wherein the other person doesn't talk. (Though my office colleagues might think am lying).
And indeed, if you have nothing else to talk, weather comes to rescue. So the question above; I am finding myself at the asking end of this open-ended question too often these days. Yes, so mostly people tell me they do not read. And I respond with, oh, I love reading! I read all types: fiction/non-fiction, all genre! Yes, i do like well read people. But then, what if s/he turns out to be those "well read" people whom I think I am not.

How?
Well, for starters, I read this post while going through IdeaSmithy's blog.
Interesting read, definitely.
So the question that pops up in my head is "Am I really into reading?" (may be its lingering around for long)

For starters, the school that I went to did not boast of a good big library. Well, my sibling did catch up on reading much before I did, but then I somehow do not remember being engrossed to any books other than Enid Blyton's as a kid. Slowly, the sibling moved to classics and talked about how wonderful the Queen's language is. I did not follow the passion, but when the conversation turned to books, I could participate. I would divulge into details. Then, the sibling started talking about how movies are been made out of books, and how she wishes to see this one and that one. So, I tried to follow up on the books before catching up the movie. And slowly, steadily, my "Read" shelf started increasing. I remember gifting the sibling a copy of Shakespeare's work on some 14th birthday. And I never have read that book, till date.

Yes, I am not a big Shakespeare fan. Give me some book that may hook me in other ways. I can follow and quote a few such classic quotes here and there, but nothing more. So, I have not ever read Hemingway or Cummings. (gasp?) There are a few of these classic authors who does grab my attention, but then my memory fails me time and again to remember some details unlike say any of the Stieg Larsson novels.

I have read most of the Agatha Christie novels. I had started some nice sci-fi books while in my first year college. I simply absolutely love Tintin and Archies. I love Enid Blyton, who was later replaced by Jeffrey Archer, PG Wodehouse, Robin Cook, Jane Austen, Erich Segal, Erle Stanley Gardner, Sidney Sheldon, and the likes. I also liked reading and even still would do, Tinkle, Champak, Chacha Chaudhroy. I flinch with the name of Nora Roberts or some of the Daniel Steel. AT times, even Indian authors fascinate me, though not all. I regularly update my shelves on goodreads and religiously review each book I read, more or less.
But now, I am just feeling that may be all this does not count as reading. I get hooked to Harukami and Pamuk the minute I start their books. I cherished reading Persepolis & Maus (the only graphic novels that I have). But may be, the real reader is someone who reads a lot. And understands classic, loves classic.

Greek mythology, Shakespearean stuff, you give them anything. They can remember the characters vividly. I cannot. If I were to be taken to an Opera for a date, or be at some book reading discussing "Classic English Literature" I would so miserably fail to gather the nuances of the show.

The sibling also feels the same. When she read "Snow", she said you woudn't like it. When she read "Kafka on the shore" she nodded her head the same way. When she read "Memoirs of Geisha" I was told the same. But surprisingly, all three of them fall in my "Like you very very much" shelf.

What if I were to met a well-read guy, who likes reading fiction too! (Well-read might just mean, read and liked stuff which I generally do not like or gather. The ones that are kinda a "MUST HAVE" on a book lover's shelf!) Will I find self questioning once again? Or the list of my "Read" and "To read" good?

For all that I may care, I am happy and suffice to know and understand the language. I still remember the joy of reading "Kafka on the shore" or "To kill a mockingbird" Such is the language. It evokes an emotion out of me, which I fail to describe in words (irony?). I love the feeling.

And to think about this, well, professionally, I have made a career in something that I love the most...Science and English :) So there, I am doing what I am liking, and I do not care (yes, yes..umm..i think, yes) whether I am "well-read" or not!

I never thought about all this, until I read that post, and I realized I have read, but may be I am not a girl who reads. May be, I am not girl who would wanna buy a book before buying clothes. May be, I would never exchange my wardrobe space for books.

But may be, I will be the girl smelling the pages of a yellow book. May be, I am the girl who is reading books at a coffee shop, in a crowded Mumbai local, and in the auto if light permits. May be, I am the girl who might name my kids weird, may be, just may be, the nick names I keep for people I love are characters etched in my mind via some literary help. (PS: Jessie Kovats, Richard Kane, Lisbeth, Mitch Mcdeere, and Nandini)

For her, troubles come and troubles go. The best person to help you out of the situation would be you, yourself. For her, everything is written in destiny. Nothing excites her and nothing surprises her. She can never be too happy nor too sad. AT times , just at times I like that attitude but deep within I am scared for the kind of person she has become. She calls it a person full of wisdom who will never get hurt easily, but I wonder if becoming someone like that really helps. Isn't hurt or anger also worth the fun and love that you have had ? With time I hope things around her changes. She believes that nothing lasts forever, not bad neither the good times. And hence why cherish either of them. They will just go, as people around you will... She has been compromising on certain things - most importantly LOVE ! She feels this is the max that she can get and may be this is what is written in her destiny. She says she is going to try to get that love, but incase she fails she wouldn't feel that bad...she will just take it as another case of 'meant to be' And even while she talks about being with someone so special I hear the same her...no excitement no love no thrills...the same monotonous her ! Only work around keeps her happy and going. She is becoming the queen for conquering fears. I try reasoning out so many times and make her talk of the deepest fears that she has and before she can say it, I know the answer.

I do not know what to make out of all this. Is this also another issue of fate and meant to be's ! I hate to see her like this. I hope times change...soon !

Death takes more than one person away ... it does !