And then there was June 2012...

What a day! What a day to end this hectic, chaotic, and yet sweet, if the optimist me, can say...
What all I did...

- Saw so many movies. Right from Vicky donor, Rowdy Rathore, Avengers, Shanghai, Madagascar 3, Prosthemeus .
- Read so many books. Goodreads says I read 5. Of all, I remember reading Scars by Cheryl Rainfield.
- Got completely drenched in the rains, twice. I never carry an umbrella on days when it is sunny when I leave my place. But Mumbai rains being what they are, always come at the unpredicatable hours.
- Once again visited the hospital. Prayed for the ailing parent. Cursed the supermighty, if there is one.
- Worked from home for the last week or so; love the office people for being co-operative during times of distress.
- Realized I am too weak to let go off certain things.
- Realized that I am too stubborn, and in matters of mind over heart, I listen to my heart, way too too much.
- Bought nothing worth writing down.
- Finalized the new Android phone that I am gonna buy next month, pakka.
- Tried two new chinese joints, a lebanese joint in and around Mumbai.
- Came across a few good blogs; plan on reading them regularly.
- Got an opportunity to write more.
- Contemplated a hair cut, for like twice a week. Damn, I cut my hair once every 3 months; I am not sure how good or bad it is!
- Coloured my hair - like streaks...nothing new in this one!
- Explained to co-travellers what Kindle is, and how I am reading a book in it! 5 times in a local train!
- Finalized and cancelled a trip to Goa/Bangkok/Ladakh. My life is too unpredictable to plan things in advance :-(
- Stumbled upon and read a few things I should not have read. Being ignorant was bliss. Now that I know, I cannot rest in peace.The knowledge keeps hovering around like an unwanted mosquitoe.
- People told me, for the umpteenth time, how I am too much of a worrier. Seriously? How about we keep the person you love the most in a hospital and then take away all other loved ones away from you? How would you feel? Worried?
- Got some nice positive cleaning done at home.
- Lived alone for a week or so, after almost 2 years!
- Lost a close relative. And realized how immune of sorts I have become to death.
- Donated some money. Tried, in vain, to find a few organisations helping specially abled child. And in the process of this search, me and a friend came across a few scams in the so-called prestigious NGOs. Tsk tsk.
- Successfully pushed back a few decisions for next month. :-)
- Just realized next month starts tomorrow; so might have to think hard, and probably take some tough decisions soon.
- Cried, a little.
- Laughed a bit
- Worried a LOT.
- Dreamt, a lot.

Making sense out of sen(less)sex!

In spite of dad benig involved in the stock market, I was always the clueless one when it came to stocks and trading. Sibling had her degree in finance, so they both gelled well when it came to finance talk.

All that mattered to me, when it came to money, was I have enough and the belief that I shall always have. So when I realized the funda of tax saving from my dad last year, I was enthralled by the idea. I started investing in funds and bonds and stuff. All this while, he is the one who has been investing for me in stocks. Now, I decided I wanna do it OMO!

So, I already have a demat account (I still do not know some finer nuances of the terminology though) and I logged in..made sense of the site within a couple of hours...irked the customer service reps with my silly doubts (they were good, blimey!) and finally, I started investing (really, that's a wrong term) in stocks.

I assigned a limit to the moolah I wanna spend in this trial and error phase. Well, I read the tips and tricks from the website and banks and ofcourse share brokers, and started buying stocks. Knowing that the healthcare and pharma sectors are doing well, a large chunk of my portfolio belongs to that sector.

So, I buy XYZ pharma...the CEO resigns the other day, and the share price swivels to the bottom. Dad says he knew about the move, had I asked him, he could have stopped me! So...umm..I stand at a loss..
Then, I bought this "STRONG RECOMMENDATION" from the demat account expert who writes on the bank's site. He predicted that I should hold on the stock for atleast 3 months..and my stock would reach a target price, which would give me a profit of minimum 20%. So, I bought the stock. I cannot predict the reason why, but since the day I have bought them, its been over 5 months now, the price is just going down and down! So, yes, loss!!
Then, (oh, i do not quit easily, do I?), the sibling had bought some 3000 shares of some IT company since she had received a "strong recommendation" (I am telling you they have a way with using "strong") on my behalf. These shares today stand at a loss of Rs. 6000, and the current market value is 0.3 paise. I keep them on "Sell" list everyday at a limit price, hoping the rate would go up by a paise or two...but they are just not getting outta of my portfolio. I know its a loss anyhow, but damn it, least gimme a better loss. Dad says they will get delisted very soon...so I should act, before making the loss as 100%!
Oh, so I invested in some IPO...I got some nice share of stock. Dad convinced me the price of such stocks tend to rise the day they go on market. And, oh yes, they have just hit air pockets!!
My portfolio reads all RED, except for the GOLD that I bought (oh, I do make some smart moves!). But this indeed is not a good start.
I am not too keen to label this "investmenting" in stock as a good thing. I believe invest is a dicey term to be used since one really needs to wait for a long time (in my case more than 6 months can also lead to no good profits!).
I can play poker, bet on horses, get involved in some black money trading, oh forex transfers, and lot more is there that I can do to get some quick buck (of course, its all dependent on my fortune though), but this thing has somehow caught my attention. I like making sense out of the senseless jargons that these experts use. They way they label things as "STRONG" buy, sell, or hold on..it really gives a life to the dead thing. I wonder how much more fun it would have been had the stocks not become paperless. I remember some lockers at home were filled with these papers, and I always asked dad why keep them in lockers. And he used to be like, oh you do not know their worth!
Chances are, I still do not. But may be this is what they call, getting addicted to the thing. Believe me, sensex is full of sense, and it gives me a sense of maturity that yeah am really thinking about the future!

Till then, happy trading!

With each passing day, you just realize it is not getting easier. It is just getting all the more complicated.
You realize you should leave it, the way it is.
You realize you need to let life take its turn. Let destiny rule.
You realize you need to start looking for happiness, in things other than within.
You realize you are not helping yourself. And no one else will.
Days become weeks, weeks become months...

What has changed? Afterall.....

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Yesterday, I complained of minor head ache. He immediately asked me to go see a doc. I know, deep within he is too scared.

He never cries. He never sighs. He only talks about dreams wherein he sees her. How I wish I could always make it out, whenever he would be missing her. How I wish he were never so strong. He also cried. And made me realize, we all share the same pain. But then, its his strength that makes me wipe my tears away.

Love you dad. For the strength you have and for the way you always have kept those tears, away...far away!

The familiar call...

Call comes, I am filled with a mixed bag of feelings within myself. The call I loved, The call that I am suppose to love...
I am saddened by the sad things that my dear people are facing, the usual complains, rants, irritation .. Kills me !
I am trying my best here to join strings and make a life from what the recent changes has got down my life to be, My joblessness still haunts me - with each fresh dew, my condition still remains the same, I am trying not to do the loud thinking, but is it merely that, I am not gonna get a job , ever...?
I dont know !! The loneliness, the sadness, the surrounding, the friends, the close people...everyone eludes me .... everyone and everything.
And yet I smile....
Smile when the familiar call comes, more so..give suggestions and a patient ear to their never ending problems...
Not that I am great, but being weak is not an option for me!
I cant break right now !
I cant !
I have to be stronger than my problems, I have to be !
And even if I lose my hope, all my faith , I am still gonna be the strong person and the happy person that I sound while talking on that familiar call .....