Do not tie your emotions to someone's reactions...

When you look like that - I feel am more beautiful.

When you compliment - I feel successful.

When you hug - I feel secure.

When you kiss - I feel wanted.

A vast range of emotions are tied up with the your reactions. Hence, be careful with them. In rage and in sanity.

A friend complains of physical abuse. And I wonder how does one get away with that. Shall she just walk out or tell him how his reactions matter to her, and at times break the very being of her. Being so attached so someone and then let that someone ruin your being - I think loving someone is like a double-edged sword. You get all the happiness from the same person who will hurt you the most too!

What do you do when you are having a bad week/day at several levels?

First, you forget that its weekend and get up at the usual time and go to work. When you reach, the office is so isolated that even the slightest of your heel sound echoes. And then you sit wasting time for over an hour or two and realize that probably no one is gonna turn up to work today.

You miss going for an interview because you did not understand the instructions to register. Or rather you get ready to go for the interview and then realize that probably you did not get a confirmation mail?! And then you slowly realize that your registration goof up might also lead to missing out on the job altogether!!

You plan to leave early it being a weekend and meet a friend, and then that friend cancels on you because her some far far away relative comes in!

You call up at home and realize the maid has created a ruckus out of the washing machine that was 'on' while you left, and put some more clothes which might shed colours and spoil your whites!! How dare she!

The cook has created a fusion called 'disaster' and served you that for dinner when you returned home at the end of a terrible tiresome day!!

You end up checking your inbox for an e-mail, and then realize that may be you should not have hit the "send" button too soon and  you will not get a new mail because you did!

You realize you are 'losing' it when you have been successful in being calm and composed of late. And then you sigh and nod your head thinking that everything is an illusion. The chaos. The ruckus. The tirade of emotions swelling. The volcano that is about to burst is also an illusion. Only thing real is you are trying to keep sane, and probably you should not hang up your shoes, as yet. Not yet. 

What has Mumbai turned us into?

The city that never sleeps. 
I am so proud at times to call myself a Mumbaikar! And then there are times that I am so ashamed to be a part of this city. As much as I wish to run and hide and take shelter in a far-flung lesser developed city that might just not provide me the lifestyle of Mumbai, but the city will at least have a heart. 
A heart that moves. A heart that sees the pain in people's eyes. A heart that reacts. 


I travel daily by the lifeline of the city; the Mumbai locals. I get off at one of the busiest stations of the city; Dadar. Here, apart from dirt and narrow lanes, you will find crowd. Crowd that walks/runs and does not even stop for a second if they brush you, squeeze you, or even push you down to the ground. At times I think they are clueless of where they are going and are merely running to be a part of the race. Be a part of the pace of the city. Oh yes, I love fast pace. I always, always, maintain that. 
But what if this fast pace is eluding me from noticing and observing the finer nuances of life? 
Oh no, I never stop to smell the rose petals at the Dadar Flower market; I do not get time to bargain with the lemon seller who is standing with a beautiful display of that sweet yellow-colored produce; I do not get time to buy the fresh green leafy vegetables that are available at every corner of the road and on the entire road. Yes, that is how much fast paced my life is. Or has become. True that for every Mumbaikar on the road. 


Today was one of those days. During the morning rush hour one does not find non-regular travellers in the train. And yet I saw a lady and her son of around 9 years travelling. It has to be something urgent, I thought. It turned out that the son was mentally challenged; she was taking him to see a doctor at Bombay Central, and basically they were from Delhi. She boarded the first class compartment, which is never empty during the rush hour. Oh, it is empty only for those ladies who are ready to put their lives on stake, or rather bones and bruises, to manage to get that coveted seat. You see how important it is to go to work comfortably. They would do anything that will get them that seat. Push you, pull your hair, drag you behind; yes, just about anything. And after they have got that priced possession; they enter their la-la land and forget that people exist. So these very group of ladies; who travel till Churchgate and were seated so comfortably did not even bother to ask the mother of that child a seat. The kid kept on troubling her; he was mute - so all he had to show off his anger or uncomfortable feeling were angry shrieks or wails. Poor mother was trying her best to keep him under control, but he was really acting weird. Then she told people around that he is generally well behaving; probably the crowd is scaring him off. Yes, some ladies tried making that kid quiet. I offered him a choclate, which he threw away at a dozing lady - that was actually funny. But mark my words, there was no one in that compartment who was ready to get up and offer that lady a god damn SEAT!! Nah, I do not get seats; I always reach the train at the last minute, and manage to get in somehow. I wish I had got a seat. Some ladies offered to take the boy in their lap for a while, or provided him an inch of space by shifting their huge asses and spread to a minimum bit, but no, that was not enough. Why could not someone just get up and take care of that poor mother? She was being totally harrassed by the crowd. She was being pushed by the crowd. She was carrying so much of luggage. And yet, no one cared! Yes, Welcome to Mumbai!!! The city that never sleeps!


Two days ago while returning from work, I spotted a weak and frail man lying on the road. His clothes were dirty black, torn, his hair were all messed up; flies were running around his body. He gave an immediate picture of a homeless drunk guy. A dog was sniffing him and almost licking him. Was he dead? Or was he hurt? Or had he fallen down due to weakness? Did I care? Did I do a thing? Did the thousands of people noticing him do a thing? Did anyone do a thing? He was very near to where my office is...so I saw the scene twice. An hour or so had passed and yet no one cared to do anything. I inquired the shopkeeper nearby so as to what has happened to him. He replied, "Madam, kya pata? Idar koi dekhta nahin hain. Police ka chakkar ho jayega." (No one cares. No one sees all this. It will lead to police trouble). He further adviced me not to care and rather keep moving on. Yes, I moved on. Cos you see a minute of delay would have made me miss my train; the train that I try to catch everyday. Oh yes, that train is very important to me. It makes me reach home on time; I get a seat if I am lucky; and might as well meet a good friend in that train. Yes, Welcome to Mumbai!!


The city that has stolen my humanity out of me. The city that does not sleep, does not care, does not cry, does not try. All are here just to be a part of this developed, living hand-to-mouth existence. No one wishes to stop. And stare at the beautiful sky above. Or smell the wonderful grass beneath. Even if they wish to, time kidar hain ? Where is the time? We are like robots, moving on with everything and anything that bears upon us. 

In Shantaram, there is a line that says, "I dont know what frightens me more, the power that crushes us, or our endless ability to endure it." Yes, this is how Mumbaikars have become. No terrorist attack or bomb blasts stops us from going to work the other day; not cos we are strong, but because we have been there done that so many times, that now nothing can make us what we were. A normal human being. In no rush. 


Thank you Mumbai! 

And then there was June 2012...

What a day! What a day to end this hectic, chaotic, and yet sweet, if the optimist me, can say...
What all I did...

- Saw so many movies. Right from Vicky donor, Rowdy Rathore, Avengers, Shanghai, Madagascar 3, Prosthemeus .
- Read so many books. Goodreads says I read 5. Of all, I remember reading Scars by Cheryl Rainfield.
- Got completely drenched in the rains, twice. I never carry an umbrella on days when it is sunny when I leave my place. But Mumbai rains being what they are, always come at the unpredicatable hours.
- Once again visited the hospital. Prayed for the ailing parent. Cursed the supermighty, if there is one.
- Worked from home for the last week or so; love the office people for being co-operative during times of distress.
- Realized I am too weak to let go off certain things.
- Realized that I am too stubborn, and in matters of mind over heart, I listen to my heart, way too too much.
- Bought nothing worth writing down.
- Finalized the new Android phone that I am gonna buy next month, pakka.
- Tried two new chinese joints, a lebanese joint in and around Mumbai.
- Came across a few good blogs; plan on reading them regularly.
- Got an opportunity to write more.
- Contemplated a hair cut, for like twice a week. Damn, I cut my hair once every 3 months; I am not sure how good or bad it is!
- Coloured my hair - like streaks...nothing new in this one!
- Explained to co-travellers what Kindle is, and how I am reading a book in it! 5 times in a local train!
- Finalized and cancelled a trip to Goa/Bangkok/Ladakh. My life is too unpredictable to plan things in advance :-(
- Stumbled upon and read a few things I should not have read. Being ignorant was bliss. Now that I know, I cannot rest in peace.The knowledge keeps hovering around like an unwanted mosquitoe.
- People told me, for the umpteenth time, how I am too much of a worrier. Seriously? How about we keep the person you love the most in a hospital and then take away all other loved ones away from you? How would you feel? Worried?
- Got some nice positive cleaning done at home.
- Lived alone for a week or so, after almost 2 years!
- Lost a close relative. And realized how immune of sorts I have become to death.
- Donated some money. Tried, in vain, to find a few organisations helping specially abled child. And in the process of this search, me and a friend came across a few scams in the so-called prestigious NGOs. Tsk tsk.
- Successfully pushed back a few decisions for next month. :-)
- Just realized next month starts tomorrow; so might have to think hard, and probably take some tough decisions soon.
- Cried, a little.
- Laughed a bit
- Worried a LOT.
- Dreamt, a lot.

In the world of reality!

Since they were in India, it was difficult, if not impossible, for the metro couple to identify the sex of the child. It was not like it mattered a lot to them about what gender the kid is, but you know, they were just curious. His parents were from Chandigarh and not-so-conservative, so they should probably be okay with any sex. But being the only son, he had his concerns. Her parents were based in New Zealand, and were not the traditional kinds.

So when 'Rhea' came into the world it was amidst a lot of confusion. Confusion regarding her sex, regarding her acceptance, and for the love she might get from elderly.Luckily, apart from cringing just once and counting the number of fingers and toes, and observing her feet, her grand mom did not seem too unhappy with her. Her parents beamed with joy and assured everybody it did not matter to them whether it was a girl or a boy; they wanted the kid to be happy and healthy, and successful. And that they were not gonna have another child in this  expensive world. 

Her birthdays were celebrated with style. On her 2nd birthday, She was gifted an expensive harmonica from her grand dad. A mini musical guitar from her nana-nani and swimming lessons from an extended aunt. Before she could even beam with joy or say "Wow" the harmonica was put in her mouth and it was tested whether she can blow into it and play some tune. The swimming lessons, which they started when she was almost 3, did not last long since she was too scared of water at that tender age. Her parents were patient, they said may be later. When she turned 4, the school she joined and the classes she attended left her no time to even sit in front of the TV for a few minutes or play in the mud. Rhea had already joined and left piano lessons, bharatnatyam classes, and some theatre group. Just within 6 months of joining, the teachers or organisers had told her parents, she just did not seem to have the touch or liking. Rhea was then enrolled for art and craft lesson. Along with her harmonium lessons and karate class, at the age of 7, she still could manage a little of staying at home time. 

Rhea's parents did not think twice before enrolling her into the umpteen number of classes and workshops; they were just trying to find her forte. On insistence of their friends, they did leave Rhea free for one summer vacation. They travelled to Thailand, but she was asked or allowed to take snaps, just incase that's where her talent lied! Unfortunately, none of the pictures were 'good enough' to satiate their search of talent.

"Her 10the birthday is coming next week, you got any plans," her mother asked him once.

"Well,  let's see if we can still enroll her for the Shaimak Davar Dance group, am sure she would it there. They teach all kinds of dance, like even random street dance can be converted in to a good number."

"Don't you think we should try if she wants to sing or something? Dancing may be too exhaustive for her frail body?"

"Yeah, you got a point. If she develops a good voice and music knowledge at this age, better chances of making it big sooner."

"Oh, I can only imagine what she will be doing when she will be 12. Apart from coming in higher secondary, I hope she also gets involved in the school activities. May be we should give her a separate activity room by then so that she can do her practice without any disturbance."

Rhea silently left the room. She overheard the conversation and could not hold back her tears. Her parents were arguing. And yet again, this was about her lack of interest and skills in any activity. Her nani was trying to make them understand that she is just another 14-year-old. But her parents insisted that she does not seem to have a bright and promising future. No glamour, no fame. And she was so average in her studies too. "What will she do when she will grow up? Just work 9-5 or probably marry and stay at home? Why can't she atleast do something else. We are not trying for too much, but something other than what a normal kid does? Look at the kids today, aren't they brilliant in all spheres of life?"

 When she was 12 and lacked the concentration skills or talent to pursue any extracurricular activities, when she failed two of the exams, her parents gave up on her and took her to a psychiatric. After several tests and some uncomfortable questions, the doctor concluded that she is fine, and does not (as they thought) suffer from any brain disorders or development problems. Unfortunately, Rhea is just a normal child who likes to stay at home, play, and probably watch some TV, if she has the time. 

---
This post is dedicated to all those children who's parents are, hopefully not, forcing and coaxing them to participate in reality shows. With the increasing number of kids show featuring 3 and 4 year old's dancing, singing, acting, cooking, and what not, it is scary to imagine how they might be persuaded to develop a talent, and nothing else. A simple kid with no such interest or ability might face regret and failures in life, at too early a stage. I sincerely hope am wrong, and parents are letting the kids just be. I mean how many of us even remember humming a song with all the musical notes at the tender age of 3. Yes, gifted kids exist, but do not pressurize them into taking up an activity and developing a talent. Luckily I haven't seen any of my relatives or my friends doing this to their kids, but then do they regret that their kids are just ..umm..normal? Do parents desire and dream of seeing their kids instead of the ones on TV. Do they force their dreams on the kids? Does glamour attract people so much? Or is it the money? I shudder with the thought when I think of the girl who has acted as a boy in a few movies. Were her parents this adamant of having a boy or was it that the role required her to be featured as a boy? Or when I see some kids who look good with the front tooth broken on TV maintaining the same look for like years! It is not possible logically and I hope that there are no other reasons for such an appearance.
And I wonder whether education will go for a toss amidst all this? 'No degrees will give you the money or fame that the media will.' Will this thought be ingrained in their mind since age 2? Imagine the plight of that kid who is not interested in studying or sports or any such creative activity. Will he be the target of everyday bombarding by his parents? Wisdom tells me that the average Joe makes big in life, and one should not ever think that the mud-eating and no-poem singing guy in school will not do well in life, but will the parents of today's generation accept it?
All hopes and queries are bundled in this post, and if you are reading this, stop expecting too much outta your child and just let them be what he/she is, a kid!

Emptiness...

As the sibling goes back to the US of A, home has suddenly become so empty. How much of space and worth the feather weight, short female can occupy - I am only imagining! Her short/long visit ( 40 days - too much for some, but too little are the days no matter how many they are) collided with several events occurring in the extended family, her personal life, my personal life, dad's health, etc. etc....I blinked and she was gone.
Though we did manage to have our share of fights, leg pulling, shopping, eating, bitching, and cribbing, it just doesn't seem enough. Times when she was away at someone's place or was on phone for hours altogether, I just wished that to end soon, such that no minute goes by while we have her here. How funny these thoughts are? You know she is gonna go, you know times have changed, you know it will be months or years till you next see her, and yet you live with her just like any normal average day. And when she goes away, suddenly it dawns on you that oh, she is not gonna be here forever. Oh, so much of sisterly love is reeking outta me. If only she can know all this, but nah, me never tells her all this and that. We do not hug. We do not say "I love you" We do not say "Thanks for being here." We do not indulge in any kind of emotion or action that says what we feel. The thick bloody bond is invisible and yet strongly visible. All I vouch for is, since god couldn't keep mothers forever, he made sisters! :-)

When the goin' gets tough...?

I have a thought. A thought that is whizzing around spherically, laterally, perpendicularly around my head since the past few weeks. There may have been a series of events that would have given birth to that very thought, the impression that this thought leaves behind is not very hooray-istic.
Remember when you read the last time how this and that event changed the whole being of that somebody, how this event made you sit back and ponder on things, you got certain things straight, you got all the wrong doings out, how you straightened the creases in your life on realizing that it is always crumbled around, and the likes. When was the last time you would have heard it? Yesterday, or higher chances are today.
I somehow have realised or have been thinking that this does not apply to me. I do not ever pull my socks, get focussed to do that certain thing, set a target for things-to-do, I am not a go-getter.
All these years and while I have been fooling myself (or may be right now, my thoughts are fooling me), that I am a go-getter. I get and achieve things that I wish or demand to have.
Materialistically yes, I do that. Financially, yes, I do that.
But I do not recollect that one moment that would have sent the whole principle book in my life, home.
That one moment wherein I would have cribbed in front of the mirror and set myself a target, and later on went ahead and achieved that.
I would have started a few diets, never reached till the end of it.
I let things go. I may be short tempered, but there is a certain laid back attitude to me.
Most of my managers have told me that I quit easily. Or rather, if I see a path that may look difficult or has not been untreaded, I let it be. I might be bloody good in walking and running on paths laid down for me, paths that assure me success, paths that seems bright and hopeful to me, but otherwise I let the other paths be.
Why do I do that? Why do I feel this?
I do like to the end of the day for projects I have started with enthusiasm, I have been known to have 1000 ideas of nothing, I do do think out of the box, but then this feeling of not working towards a particular something makes me feel a bit shallow within.
Like there is a way, there is a will somewhere, but somehow they do not work in sync.
Whenever I read about this nobody who became somebody in life, and how THAT ONE MOMENT made him/her realize what she wants to do, what he/she wishes to have, what he/she is looking forward to, I just feel empty.
I want that ONE MOMENT.
No rather, I would wish to act on that ONE moment.

Laid back, cool, lazy? What is it that is forbidding me?

The pink ribbon!

Things do not repel me easily. Or so I think. Bloody images, nasty scenes do not bring out a shriek or "oh my god" outta me, easily.
But just googling cancer images has left me speechless. Such gory images, such an ugly face this disease has!
I have a few close people who have been inflicted by this nasty disease...and after years of treatment and medications, they are still fighting against the disease.
I have known cancer as an "interesting field for study."  When I did my bit to eradicate cancer during my post graduation studies, I felt proud. The published papers and the dead mice played an unpleasant game in my mind, and each time I did something good (or so I felt) I used to feel I am just repaying the debt I own to the mice I killed!
No matter the available research, the literature, the disease remains yet to be eradicated. The chemotherapy kills the inflicted person. The side effects and the pain are so unpleasant.
It is not the cancer awareness month or anything, but I so am planting a pink ribbon on my dress today.
Dear God, do not spread this disease or the tumour. 

Ho hum!

She has a dream. A dream which is not too elusive nor too easy to interpret or get done with.
All the songs on the playlist titled "Bheege din" "Tanha raat" "Romantic numbers" "Goood moood"
bring some meaning in life, finally.
Not exactly, the word to word, verabtim, meaning....but the songs do come to life.
Not real life, but life that she knows, she understands.
These songs will hold true. They will hold meaning much more than she thought they will.
A tune which has been in mind, the words that have been plasted to her lips and mind, she knows how it feels...and then finally, one day, she will know what they mean.

Oh, the feeling!
At least then, she will stop nagging people with questions like "Who was the first person you thought about when you heard that song?" "Do you really think about him/her when you hear this particular song?"
And the likes.

I decided not to tell the world. I succeeded.
Since I made my words swear to secrecy.

Doc, how much this costs?

This post on hospital charges and the awareness that doctors have about it, brings forward several questions from the Indian hospitals POV.

The author talks about how hospitalists are clueless about the charges levied for several tests, the cost of bed, treatments charges, etc. And, what I found interesting is, all the hospitalists think differently about charges.

I strongly feel that the scenario is India is different. The main reason being people are skeptical to visit hospitals and doctors. The emergence and trust that people in the rural area have on Ayurved doctors and vaids is one of the reasons. They charge less, do not inject, and can speak in a language they can understand. This is a major hurdle for certain treatments to reach to them. Doctors in India are aware of the illiterate mass of the country, and they try their best to educate and make them understand of what services they are gonna offer them. Doctors and care takers in India are aware of the cost and the way the treatment might affect the patient pockets. If health insurance were to permeate the population faster and deeper, the scenario might change. But currently, yes, Indian doctors are aware of what they might be charging the patient, and the reasons being:

- We have a larger base of self-pay patients. When the patient is paying on his own, the doctor probably, thinks twice before asking him to undergo certain tests which can be cut out, more so in cases when the patient is from a middle-class family or poor.

- When the patient is hospitalised under the cashless treatment {I have experienced this} the doctors and the nurses beside the patient order medicine, drugs and the equipment in amounts more than absolutely essential. The reason being, they know the patient is not paying from his pocket, these equipment and medicine are covered under his insurance, and this also keeps the doctor in charge a bit at ease about thinking what he needs to cut down on, or whether a low-costing drug is essential?
Example: The recklessness {might be a harsh word} shown during the experience that I am talking about, made the pharmacy bill so huge. Nurses who came in to give medicine time-to-time prescribed them in packs more than required. If they could not locate one pill, they would immediately order another. By the end of the hospital stay I had a stackful of packs wherein only one pill was used, and were not even required nomore. This shows, that they know what the cost of pharmacy supplies is, and somehow they were at ease due to the cashless tag on my file.

- Another good case in point. While admitting my dad for a surgery recently, the doctor in charge advised us to go for a class which was not expensive as the deluxe one and she went on to explain that the difference in services was not much, and even how much better is a room with a bed of two. This shows, the expert doc was not only aware of the costs, but also the difference offered in services. I was really impressed by this particular situation.

- Doctors in hospitals, like the big ones such as Lilavati, Hinduja, Bombay hospital, are generally aware of how much the diagnostic tests cost. I have seen doctors announcing the cost of the test while prescribing the same to patients. This puts the patient at ease, he knows the doctor is definitely advising him something he knows the patient can afford and also that the doctor is very sure of what he is asking the patient to do.

This situation in the Indian hospitals and hospitalists will change to an extent only when health insurance further penetrates the population. People do stay away from hospitals due to huge bills that they might have to pay. Docs would become less aware of the costs only when some of these were to happen:

- When the mass would be more reachable to various treatments and care.

- When health would become a priority for the major part of the population, and people would be keeping a health budget in their yearly expenses.

- When people would look at health and medicines as a priority, they would not shun visiting doctors and hospitals with the fear of cost and hospital stays.

All in all, from what I am to believe, the quality of treatment is never compromised even in this situation. Doctors might consider giving a poor patient a low-cost drug, but he would definitely not skip the same. He may ask you to get a CT scan or MRI done from a government institute, but he would not ask you to skip the same altogether. There are several such institutes in Mumbai that I know of. Thus, the Indian doctor and hospitalists are aware of what they are charging, and it would be interesting to see how the scenario might change once health insurance seeps in, number of self-paying patients decrease, and once the ratio of doctor: patient reaches an unmanagable number.

Rejuvenated :)

Rejuvenated
I just returned from this sweet 3-day trip to my uncle's place. IT was a nice small family get-to-gether. I realize how easy it is to be with "your people" You do not mask happiness nor do you shield tears. You can tell your cousins "I do not like you" and he will not even take it to heart :)

Time and again I meet my niece and nephews I realize how quickly they are growing, taller and wiser. It seldom sinks in that with their increasing age, so I am ageing too.

My 96-year-old granny gave me an ultimatum to marry in the next one year. She told me she will leave half of her assets or double of what she leaves for everyone for me, if I will find a "Ghar Jamai" Yeah, she loves me a lot, she is ready to shell out more money to see me home :) It was sad to note that her vision is failing her with each passing day, but I was more glad to see her sense of humour intact!

your demands are fulfilled upright, you eat chat and see crap things with your cousins. You laugh together thinking about some small stupid things you did as a kid. And oh the laughter of watching those childhood snaps together.

I am blessed to have such a wonderful family. Yes, I do have my set of problems with them, each of them, but then, who doesn't? And the brighter thing to all this is, since I am the youngest girl in my family, they always let go off my mistakes and errors :)

Life is so simple for an ugly male!

Before you huff and puff regarding the title, I will like to tell you to read the entire story. And then, agree or disagree, or whatever stand you may wanna take.

Yes, life is so simple for an ugly male. This thought came to me yesterday evening when I saw Pranab Mukherjee attending this press conference. All of a sudden it struck me, how he might be unprepared for it, how he might would have changed to his symbolic white kurtas and pyjamas, (he also had a tricolor scarf hanging around) and come to this conference. Chances are high, that he did not get time to look into the mirror or comb his sparse hair.
No, I am not saying PM is ugly. Definitely not ugly.
But you get what set the thinking process running? Yes, how easy it is to not worry about how you look, or dress, or care! All you need to do is dress up and show up.
Agreed, the male today grooms and cares as much as a lady. The salon that I go to for hair cut is bisexual. And there are more men than women who are looking forward to hair spas and head massages, and cleanups, and facials. Yes, the modern men care how he looks. He shaves off his smelly armpits, he shaves off his thick curly calf hair, he shaves off his chest to show off his packs, howmanyever they may be. He does it all, to be that model for the men "fair and handsome"!
It does matter that today he cares. He uses deo, perfumes, gels, and all things possible to give and get that smart crispy, fresh, look.
You get the point. I cant think of more things the men today might be doing, cos I might just drool at the thought. :D
How different it is for a lady?
Well, for starters the beauty parlour routine is much strict. You do not wanna have your eye brows not threaded incase of an emergency meeting. Or your arms not waxed incase you have to wear some short sleeved blouse. Girls, ladies, women, all have to be on their toes all the while, and groomed to face the situation or occupation. Imagine the terror when one rolls the pant cos it rained, and some gross hair standing out. You definitely do not want that. Men, can may be, do that. But women, I am sorry. It is definitely gross.
So, the urban women does all this. Attends office, college, chores. She is always up for the occasion. Not to mention, at her very best.
She comes in at 9 am, neatly made hair, no dripping sweat, threaded brows, bleached facial hair, waxed arms and legs, toned face, moisturized lips. Now whether or not she is beautiful or ugly does not matter much. She gotta do all this. I do not know many women who wouldn't care. All of us belonging to this species, ugly or beautiful, care how they look. We see the mirror whenever we pass one. We stand and stare the figure in front of us. We are choosy for what we wear. Aware of what we accessorize it with. We know the shoes that will fit us, we know the latest style. And incase we had to go for a press conference at the last minute, omigosh, we would be making some very rapid trip to the parlour or the restroom to dab the compact and lip gloss. Without that, am sorry, I cannot face the camera. Let's say the female politicians that are coming to my mind may not be too religious of doing what all I have mentioned, but how many of us have seen Sushama Swaraj or Sonia Gandhi with a strand of hair outta place??
Now, why do I say it is easy for an ugly men. Or may be for men who doesn't care. Very few females doesn't care. May be we are made to care about our looks. Beauty is a term restricted just to us.
The cover photo of this weekly magazine had the pic of this head honcho of an IT company. I would not name him or the magazine, but believe me, the picture was eeww...I could count the number of blackheads on his nose! I could see the bad job of shaving that was done. And his uncombed hair. Okay, so he does not to the parlour or salon to get himself groomed, but come on, you cannot have such a pic on the cover page. A lady head would have never approved the publication of such a pic. But then, this man, my dear man, doesn't care.
Fair enough. This another head honcho of an IT company is definitely the below-average looking man. I do not even remember him changing the frame of his spectacles in all these years. Humble, yes. Simple, yes. He doesn't care. And its so easy to be him. Get up, wear your tie and suit. And there you are. Ready to go and face the world.
Ever wondered in a pub, how all girls are so neatly dressed and accesorized. And all some males have to do is put on a tee and jeans. So easy, I tell you. We spend hours thinking what to wear, what not to wear. And there they are, putting on a cartoon oversized tee, and some torn jeans!! So easy!!
Ugly males, or males who do not care how they look, are one lucky herd. I will specifically mention males, since I do not know many females who wouldn't care. Its tough to be out there, and not care or wonder about my hues and shoes.
I wish I were a male. I would buy the best of the shirts and trousers. And that's all that is to there. May be I wouldn't shave off my body hair, and probably I will go the parlour for a facial once in two months.
I will use deo and perfume everyday.
For all I care, this would suffice !!

Haiku

While on this 23-hour long train journey to Delhi with A, we did all the crazy stuff that you can imagine.

I loaded self with books, considering I could do a lot of reading in this long journey, but it turned out A was enough.

I stuffed my writing pen, my books and note pads, since the scenery outside trains always brings out the best writer in me. But it turned out A was enough.

I did not get time to do a thing!!

So when she saw my little book, she "demanded" that I write stuff for her.

I attempted two silly little haiku's and I regret doing so. I will tell you why, below.

First the haiku's

Insanity wraps sanity
Bloom!
Oh, thy flower!!

Hyperbole, its not
Never-ceasing spring,
Offered!

I am regretting writing these since througout the journey, and all till the time I will know her, she will remind me of the fact that she is a never-ceasing spring!

:)

For all that it matters, I liked the haikus.

At times...

Speaking out loud helps...

It makes you realize what kind of thoughts are running through your mind, and what you may actually really think~~

Today, I spoke out loud. And that too without being drunk.

It was just a series of thoughts that must have triggered this emotion, or rather stupid talks or rather charade...but I realized may be, I am not that good a person I am thinking that I am!

You know the feeling??

So, I had been bothered about my equation with my friend off late. And I just couldn't fathom the reason why?

Why could I just accept the fact that things , lives, have changed and it is the time to make our relationship a back seat...and run the car in 1st gear!!

But hell no? I just could not fathom it!

When I spoke it out aloud today with A, I realized I might actually be jealous of my friend.

Jealous, I say. Of what, you may ask?

Jealousy is defined as the killing feeling that grips your heart when you see something good or something that your heart yearns and the other gets.

So what does this friend in question have that I do not. And that would make me so jealous??

I reason and question with A, and finally realize, as a matter of fact rather, that may be it is just me. You know, just me who's thinking that "this is happy" "this is sad" "this is more" "this is less"

So when I see and believe that I am having "less" and she is having "more", I rather astonishinigly become jealous of FRiend!!

And how I reflect it, is from the tons of fights that I have with her. From the rude expectations that I have, ok not that rude, but wrong to a point.

But then, when I see her adapting to all the roles that she has played so gracefully in life, I realize I do not do that. I crib. I cry. If I have to act like a mouldable clay, I may, I rather will, but not without showing some support, some restrain. I am like that.
She adapted, she adapts. She sees how to make the best of the situation in front of her, and makes hay outta it.

Is this adapatibility that I am jealous of? or is the factors surrounding her that I am jeaolous of??

Am I really actually jealous?

I still remember the smile and joy I get when I used to see her cherish and achieve things that she had always dreamt of. The high marks that she secured, the amazing talents that she has ...and the way she displayed them all. They made me feel proud that she is my friend. The smile that I used to get when I used to see fight for the minutest of the mark, and get it. If there was a triumph involved, I used to be happy with her. For her. And always have been. I do not ever remember being fake.

Then why today these thoughts?

Has life come to such a crossroad where I cannot see anything other than others, and their lives?? Have I grown that timid and tiny that I need a limitless tall ladder to overlook the crowd and see my world?

Or has the world broken into so many pieces or rather just misplaced some pieces of the jigsaw puzzle, that I am completely lost looking for it?

Well, answers I do not have. Not for the moment.

All I can say, is , If I am actually thinking what I have been thinking, that makes me a bad person at heart.

And I would rather not be one!

Fate...

So, while talking about fate...
And gulping down sake...

We both couldn't help but wonder,
how long,
since we both actually mate??

If I narrate a story...

will you pay to hear it??

If I write a book...
will you offer to read it??

If I wrote a testimonial...
would you care to review it??

If I wrote a love letter....
would you care to smell it??

If my blogs were put on podcasts...
would you manage to subscribe for it??

If I uploaded a video on youtube...
would you wait to stream it??

If I have written my will...
would you think you will exist in it??

If I have written my epitaph...
would you cross miles and get flowers to read it??

Carefree,
Why it isn't me?

Monotonous,
Oh, I so not wanna be!

Contentment,
This is what I am looking for...

Unhappiness,
yet comes and stands at my door!!

IT aint the sweetness
Nor the bitterhood
Just that sometimes in life
The present sways your mood!