Sawaal...

A limb vs English?

What would you give up on?

Life - Quo vadis?

When the sky is overcast and the mood somber.

Life is running past me. Rather, life is escaping. I might sit back and ponder my location on life's GPS. But time? Where is it?

There are several things that have changed over the past few months. Most of them are likable, some not so. There is a part of me that wishes to sit back and enjoy the unpredictable rain, and then there is other that just wishes to curse the downpour.

It is a mood of confusion. Stemming from the changes, from the good things and some bad. Bad may be a superlative; but what do you call something that thing that sits at the tip of your tongue each day waiting to be screamed, that sits on your shoulder whispering in your ears, and then that greets you with a devilish smile each time you stare....yeah, the bad thing. The confusing thing.

This state of mind -  is not a part of the routine. It, however, may, enter and be a part of the routine. Do you want it to be a  part of your routine? Does it matter what I want?

Oh, monsoon. What do you do to my mood!

Where does the mystery end?

Or rather begin?

Is it when the wailing kid is pulled out of the uterus and the mystery regarding the sex of the child ends?

Is it when the child blossoms to be a perfect young toddler and you are no longer worried whether all his five senses are in perfect order?

Is it when the school he has to go to is selected?

Or is it when he tells you he has a crush on this girl, and you are no longer worried about his sexual orientation?

Or may be it is when he passes out school with flying colours and tells you he has decided what he wants to do in life?

Or is it when he chooses a vocational field with so much of thought that leaves you with no longer care?


A very close person I know is going through a myriad of emotions right now, since her son might be taking off for further studies. And over a period of time, I have realized that her list of endless worries and mysteries regarding him cease to reduce, no matter what. It is like a cycle with no end. May the coming days bring some more cheer and reduce the tension in her life! Amen :)

How funny is the way it works.

When you are running behind things, and looking forward to grab them with both your hands, and probably make yourself believe that this is THE thing that I want...and then, 

if you do get what you want....you become ecstatic? 

if you do not, well then, you blame, the people, the destiny, the hormones, and the works.

And then, if some fine day, that thing comes and falls in your lap, outta nowhere, no emotion reeks out of you. 

Something of that sorts is happening to me. 

I want a cheer. I want a laugh. I want some glee. 

I get a better offer. The pay cheque gets fatter. The dream car gets nearer. 

And yet...no hurrah?! 

HUH!

When the goin' gets tough...?

I have a thought. A thought that is whizzing around spherically, laterally, perpendicularly around my head since the past few weeks. There may have been a series of events that would have given birth to that very thought, the impression that this thought leaves behind is not very hooray-istic.
Remember when you read the last time how this and that event changed the whole being of that somebody, how this event made you sit back and ponder on things, you got certain things straight, you got all the wrong doings out, how you straightened the creases in your life on realizing that it is always crumbled around, and the likes. When was the last time you would have heard it? Yesterday, or higher chances are today.
I somehow have realised or have been thinking that this does not apply to me. I do not ever pull my socks, get focussed to do that certain thing, set a target for things-to-do, I am not a go-getter.
All these years and while I have been fooling myself (or may be right now, my thoughts are fooling me), that I am a go-getter. I get and achieve things that I wish or demand to have.
Materialistically yes, I do that. Financially, yes, I do that.
But I do not recollect that one moment that would have sent the whole principle book in my life, home.
That one moment wherein I would have cribbed in front of the mirror and set myself a target, and later on went ahead and achieved that.
I would have started a few diets, never reached till the end of it.
I let things go. I may be short tempered, but there is a certain laid back attitude to me.
Most of my managers have told me that I quit easily. Or rather, if I see a path that may look difficult or has not been untreaded, I let it be. I might be bloody good in walking and running on paths laid down for me, paths that assure me success, paths that seems bright and hopeful to me, but otherwise I let the other paths be.
Why do I do that? Why do I feel this?
I do like to the end of the day for projects I have started with enthusiasm, I have been known to have 1000 ideas of nothing, I do do think out of the box, but then this feeling of not working towards a particular something makes me feel a bit shallow within.
Like there is a way, there is a will somewhere, but somehow they do not work in sync.
Whenever I read about this nobody who became somebody in life, and how THAT ONE MOMENT made him/her realize what she wants to do, what he/she wishes to have, what he/she is looking forward to, I just feel empty.
I want that ONE MOMENT.
No rather, I would wish to act on that ONE moment.

Laid back, cool, lazy? What is it that is forbidding me?

Moments

Those sparing moments of clarity she yearns for.
Though they are far and few, she simply adores whenever they come.
But they leave her with thoughts of how foolish she had been. How ignorant and stupid.

Making sense out of sen(less)sex!

In spite of dad benig involved in the stock market, I was always the clueless one when it came to stocks and trading. Sibling had her degree in finance, so they both gelled well when it came to finance talk.

All that mattered to me, when it came to money, was I have enough and the belief that I shall always have. So when I realized the funda of tax saving from my dad last year, I was enthralled by the idea. I started investing in funds and bonds and stuff. All this while, he is the one who has been investing for me in stocks. Now, I decided I wanna do it OMO!

So, I already have a demat account (I still do not know some finer nuances of the terminology though) and I logged in..made sense of the site within a couple of hours...irked the customer service reps with my silly doubts (they were good, blimey!) and finally, I started investing (really, that's a wrong term) in stocks.

I assigned a limit to the moolah I wanna spend in this trial and error phase. Well, I read the tips and tricks from the website and banks and ofcourse share brokers, and started buying stocks. Knowing that the healthcare and pharma sectors are doing well, a large chunk of my portfolio belongs to that sector.

So, I buy XYZ pharma...the CEO resigns the other day, and the share price swivels to the bottom. Dad says he knew about the move, had I asked him, he could have stopped me! So...umm..I stand at a loss..
Then, I bought this "STRONG RECOMMENDATION" from the demat account expert who writes on the bank's site. He predicted that I should hold on the stock for atleast 3 months..and my stock would reach a target price, which would give me a profit of minimum 20%. So, I bought the stock. I cannot predict the reason why, but since the day I have bought them, its been over 5 months now, the price is just going down and down! So, yes, loss!!
Then, (oh, i do not quit easily, do I?), the sibling had bought some 3000 shares of some IT company since she had received a "strong recommendation" (I am telling you they have a way with using "strong") on my behalf. These shares today stand at a loss of Rs. 6000, and the current market value is 0.3 paise. I keep them on "Sell" list everyday at a limit price, hoping the rate would go up by a paise or two...but they are just not getting outta of my portfolio. I know its a loss anyhow, but damn it, least gimme a better loss. Dad says they will get delisted very soon...so I should act, before making the loss as 100%!
Oh, so I invested in some IPO...I got some nice share of stock. Dad convinced me the price of such stocks tend to rise the day they go on market. And, oh yes, they have just hit air pockets!!
My portfolio reads all RED, except for the GOLD that I bought (oh, I do make some smart moves!). But this indeed is not a good start.
I am not too keen to label this "investmenting" in stock as a good thing. I believe invest is a dicey term to be used since one really needs to wait for a long time (in my case more than 6 months can also lead to no good profits!).
I can play poker, bet on horses, get involved in some black money trading, oh forex transfers, and lot more is there that I can do to get some quick buck (of course, its all dependent on my fortune though), but this thing has somehow caught my attention. I like making sense out of the senseless jargons that these experts use. They way they label things as "STRONG" buy, sell, or hold on..it really gives a life to the dead thing. I wonder how much more fun it would have been had the stocks not become paperless. I remember some lockers at home were filled with these papers, and I always asked dad why keep them in lockers. And he used to be like, oh you do not know their worth!
Chances are, I still do not. But may be this is what they call, getting addicted to the thing. Believe me, sensex is full of sense, and it gives me a sense of maturity that yeah am really thinking about the future!

Till then, happy trading!

I thought I had an ugly nose. Until, I saw hers...

Do not!

Come to me for advice.

You already are a loser since you are reaching out to people for advice.
More so, I find myself a loser at times, and what if you approach me at that very moment?

What I did with my life, my career may not mean anything to you. I have not treaded a conventional career path, and you will not have enough balls to do the same. Yes, I did work my ass off to give those bloody entrance exams and write those SOPs, and then hurray over the admission, and curse those foreigners for being so cruel to international students...but then, I have moved on. And its way too much to remember so much about the past. Its been like, what, 5 years! And, I don wanna think about it anymore.

My luck, life, and brains have followed different routes and exits, it has been difficult for me to travel with all of them together. But, you my dear friend, may not be the same.

Remember, Fountainhead? Howard Roark aptly says this..."If you want my advice, Peter, you've made a mistake already. By asking me. By asking anyone. Never ask people. Not about your work. Don't you know what you want? How can you stand it, not to know?"

So, there you go, you high school naive students. Go somewhere else. I am not giving you fokat ka advice, I am not any Karan Gupta (remember the guy, with a goatee, who hoarded study abroad columns, he was some Australian return I believe).

No, thank you!

You said you can gimme thousands or lakhs of rupees...and make me stay at home. Or even make me lose a bit of my freedom.

Tell you what, no thank you.

Nothing grabbing away my 9 to 5 corporate life in this life time. I need the work, I need the life, and I need my own money that gives me my independence! I may not tell you but I buy the brand, the label, the tag cos I can afford it. Not cos I got money transferred from somewhere, my dear!

You can take away everything from me, but not my attitude to react to certain things! Aint no putting away those laminated certis in my closet!

I am the world's biggest liar!!!

And I am not lying this time !!!!!!